3. Leave the Driving to Us

Did you know Heathrow is at least an hour’s distance from London? I sure didn’t. Converting the distance to Britain’s own metric system, it is well over 20,000 kilometers. Doing the math in my head, that’s the number I came up with. Feel free to figure it all out for yourselves. Just make sure you don’t forget and carry the 3. That’s very important. I am not sure what the great distance equals in minutes, but there seems to be plenty of time to figure that out on England’s jolly old transportation treasure, The National Express Bus.
 
Heathrow offers a variety of options for getting from the busy airport to the city of London. There’s…
*Taxi (for the very rich, those with huge families or groups, or those wishing to spend their entire vacation savings before setting foot in their hotel.)
*Express Train (Around 18 pounds and featuring non-stop service to Paddington Station. It is rumored that this is the very same train that a particular world-famous bear happens to take.)
*Tube (Many stops, no place for your luggage, and the threat of pickpockets lurking around every corner make this the popular choice amongst both victims and native Londoners.)
And this leaves… 
*National Express! (A shuttle bus that wends and winds its leisurely way through the countless terminals of Heathrow before eventually spitting you out somewhere in the forbidden zone between London and the airport. It is another hour from here before you arrive at Victoria Station.)
I took National Express in both directions, and while I will share more about my return trip later, I do have one bone to pick with this company and all shuttle buses in general: the sincere promise of all buses offering free WIFI. First, this promise is like the existence of Santa Claus, often repeated and never verified.  If it does exist, it must be powered by some Flintstone-inspired technology based on the faster you go, the better your connection.  Undoubtedly, the whole operation is powered by some prehistoric squirrel on a treadmill hidden discreetly in the luggage compartment below. “It’s a living.”
In both my trips, to and from, I never once managed to get online.
Even though I was on the lam (see last week), finding the appropriate shuttle was easy. I merely followed the exit signs until I reached traffic, where airport officials could point me in the right direction. Once aboard, all I had to do was sit back, relax, and enjoy the promised free WIFI. Instead, I chose to gaze out the window and marvel at a geography that shared so much in common between many locations, major cities, and their sister airports - nothing.
I was getting excited, though. Despite being sleep deprived, at age 71, I was in a foreign land. And I would soon be in one of the major cities of the world, London.
 
Roughly 20,000 kilometers later (an hour), I stepped off the shuttle and set foot in London and historic Victoria Station. The sky was blue, the air was chilly, and the streets were filled with Londoners, no doubt gaping at the "idiot" from the land of idiots, who had no doubt illegally and criminally entered their beloved country.