Ranking the Dunes

​For the sake of fairness, I will not comment on the splendid dunes of Florence, Oregon. Where, for a small fee, you can ride in a buggy driven by some guy who has seen too many Fast and Furious movies and possibly break your neck. There is no spice here, so I will leave this to someone with a travel blog.
 
I am talking about adaptations of Dune by Frank Herbert. And lord knows there have been a few, so let’s get started. 
 
Worst to Best, and here we go.
 
Dune: The Si Fi Channel Mini Series. (Partial viewing) Although a pretty faithful adaptation of Frank Herbert’s vision, it does answer the question: what would a Community College Theatre Department do if they had 20 million dollars and the participation of William Hurt? In fairness to William Hurt (and the community college), I only watched an hour.
 
Dune: An Allan Smithee Film. (One viewing) I guess Allan did not get a chance to finish this film, as the Fremen’s blue eyes blink on and off like traffic lights. This film answers the age-old question: Can a room full of Italian monkeys edit a film? Uh, only Alan Smithee knows for sure.
 
Dune (Part One): (Denis Villeneuve) (Countless views). Or, as it has been called by many, Sleepy Star Wars. I like this version in spite of itself. Sometimes, it takes itself a bit too seriously, as if everyone involved has a copy of Uta Hagen’s Respect for Acting tucked away in their rubber stillsuit.  As I said, do like this version.
 
Jodorowsky's Dune: (three viewings) This film is a must-see for anyone interested in a descent into madness. It does what Coppola wanted to do with Apocalypse Now: a true descent into madness. Well, actually, the man who taught us to turn human feces into gold was already crazy; this movie just affirms it.  This documentary ranks high because any film promising artist Dali as Padishah Emperor Shaddam IV Corrino is worth its weight in, eh, crap.
 
David Lynch’s Dune: (countless viewings) A truly unique version of the classic as envisioned by the director of Elephant Man, Eraser Head, and Twin Peaks. This is Dune as envisioned by an artist: colorful, quirky, and insane. One would really like to see what it would have been if Dino De Laurentiis had not decided to squeeze six Saturday screenings in your local multi-plex.
 
 Drumroll, please.
 
Dune II (Denis Villeneuve) (Countless views) With all the dire seriousness of his first, the accelerated plot twists of the latter half of the book come alive in this lively adaptation. The addition of Austin Butler/Elvis as Feyd, is brilliant casting and, with a few exceptions, is faithful to Herbert’s vision of life, love and giant worms on a desert planet. 

And now, Toto!