J.P. Linde
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J.P. Linde

Writer
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Visionary Talent Agency
visionarytalentagency.com
323-890-6160 phone
betsymagee@visionarytalentagency.com
Beverly Hills, CA   90210
1995: AROUND TOWN - KOIN TV (Portland Oregon)
In my brief 3 months as Entertainment Reporter, I won 16 Emmys and three Pulitzer Prizes.
You can now gift the entire J.P. Linde collection of novels and films. “SON OF RAVAGE,” “THE HOLOGRAPHIC DETECTIVE AGENCY” and, of course, the campy horror film classic “AXE TO GRIND.” All three make excellent gifts. And while you’re at it, add a couple of J.P. Linde COMEDY CLUB NETWORK appearances to your digital library. You can find all of my appearances on Amazon Prime at a very affordable price. Give the gift that will keep on giving. Get your J.P. Linde Media Bundle today!

“The most frequent side effects associated with the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are tachycardia, blurred vision, abdominal pain, and diarrhea. Decreases in appetite and rash/pruitus are also common. Those patients purchasing the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are at risk for developing extrapyramidal symptoms, including dystonia, parkinsonism, and restlessness, in addition to neuroleptic malignant syndrome and tardive dyskinesia. In some cases, The J.P. Linde Media Bundle can cause hyperprolactinemia, orthostatic hypotension, leucopenia, seizures, and the potential for suicide. As with most atypical antipsychotics, metabolic changes such as weight gain and hyperglycemia are also possible”

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Papa Hemingway (Gilmore Guy)

4/24/2021

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“All modern television comes from one show by Amy Sherman Palladino called Gilmore Girls.”  Ernest Hemingway  (1951)

​Each additional discovery of lost sections of Hemingway’s masterpiece A Movable Feast, brings fresh insights into the mind of one of our greatest American Authors. While rummaging through the author’s belongings in Ketchum Idaho, researchers stumbled onto a discovery that unfortunately left far more questions than answers. In 1950, How did the author come upon a 32-inch Sony flatscreen television, along with a functioning DVR and how did he happen to have recorded all seven seasons of the hit WB show, Gilmore Girls?
 
“Gilmore Girls is Must-See TV for a desperate crew aboard the Pilar, hunting Nazi subs in the Carribean. God, how I wish I had it during the great war.”
 
As baffled as these historians were, they were intrigued to find a list of references to the mother/daughter dramedy scattered amongst the author’s recollections of his early days in Paris, Spain and Switzerland. As a benefit to both fans of Hemingway, as well as the beloved show featuring Rory and Lorelai, here are a list of some of the more notable entries that did not make it into the author’s opus.
 
“I have looked into the pale faces of comrades both dead and dying and have come to the realization that nothing is as horrific as the prospect of a Friday night family dinner with Emily Gilmore.”
 
Wow. It is exactly this type of astute observation that breathes new life into all of the great author’s works.
 
“Sookie St. James is not only short but also nothing short of delightful.”
 
I find it quite remarkable that this great author discovered the potential of Melissa McCarthy a full decade before Bridesmaids. 
 
“Lorelai Gilmore reminds me of my third wife, Martha Gellhorn. What I’d give to show that television minx the color of my Cuba and to let her experience firsthand the true taste of pre revolution coffee.”
 
Always a connoisseur of beauty, brains and a decent cup of coffee, the comparison to Martha Ellis Gellhorn, noted writer and adventurer, is worth noting for future reference.
 
“I’d have bludgeoned Dean with a dull and rusty bayonet for what he did to my sweet little Rory.”  
 
Frankly, this notation leaves me quite puzzled as it was clearly “sweet, little Rory who dumped Dean on their third month anniversary. Perhaps the author is only projecting the hurt that one lonely child will experience on her journey to adulthood. Either that, or he just had something against Dean.
 
Unfortunately, the author’s last entry in regard to the Gilmore comments was as follows:
 
“What the hell is this Netflix and how do I get it?”
 
Although not mentioning Gilmore Girls by name, it is believed that this entry was regarding the announcement of a short-lived revival on the paid streamer. For the record, this, and not the author’s reported diabetic diagnosis, is believed to be tied to the author’s suicide in Ketchum Idaho in 1961. 

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Godfather Coda: The Death of Godfather 3

4/17/2021

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​Well, not be outdone by Zack Snyder, Francis Ford Coppola releases a new version of Godfather 3, titled Godfather Coda: The Death of Michael Corleone. And trimming 20 minutes from the original and restructuring the opening does wonders to what many consider to be a problematic entry into the series. 
 
First things first. Let’s get something out on the family dining table right away. Sophia is not that bad. She isn’t great and perhaps we were spoiled by other female performances in the previous films, but she is not that bad either. The success or failure of this film never rested on her shoulders. So, let’s give that a rest. Pick her up and drop her in another film, say Heathers, and she would have been outstanding. We have been unfair and owe her an apology.
 
Well, I’m waiting for your apology. Whenever you’re ready.
 
The biggest change I noted is the exposition offered by one George Hamilton. This made all the difference to me between the first and second version. In the first, the tanned one himself, does next to nothing, simply standing there grinning in all of his tanned glory. In the second, he gets dialogue, real dialogue, exposition even, that helps support the entire film. George without dialogue is off-putting and annoying. George with dialogue, especially exposition, is brilliant. As a cigar-smoking, leering uber businessman, calculating the takeover the world’s financial institutions, his presence becomes more than necessary. 

​Who'd have thunk it?
 
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​All of the performances by the regulars remain stellar and the addition of Eli Wallach, Andy Garcia and Joe Mantegna all add new muted colors to the Copolla’s tapestry. But it’s in the little details where this movie shines. Take a look at Garcia’s mother. Does she look familiar? I thought she might. That is Sonny’s mistress, actress Lucy Mancini, from the infamous wedding scene from the original Godfather. These are the little things that I love about these movies. After all, this is fundamentally a film about family.
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The wit and wisdom of Hyman Roth

4/10/2021

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“I want all of you to enjoy your cake, so... enjoy.”
 
Everyone needs a hero. Someone to look up to. That special someone who grabbed life by the balls and made it his own. One such hero is entrepreneur, molasses runner, friend of Cuba before Castro, and my favorite character from Godfather Pt 2, Hyman Roth. 
 
Today we celebrate his genius.
 
Hyman Roth lived through a lot of changes in the modern world and these changes never seemed to affect him.
 
Well, almost never.
 
“I'd give four million just to be able to take a piss without it hurting.”
 
He was a businessman who truly knew the art of the deal.
 
“I'm going in to take a nap. When I wake, if the money's on the table, I'll know I have a partner. If it isn't, I'll know I don't.”
 
Because he always money for his partners.
 
“Hyman Roth always makes money for his partners. One by one, our old friends are gone. Death, natural or not, prison, deported. Hyman Roth is the only one left, because he always made money for his partners.”
 
He was a philosopher
 
“Good health is the most important thing. More than success, more than money, more than power.”
 
Baseball fan
 
“I loved baseball ever since Arnold Rothstien fixed the World Series in 1919.”
 
Loyal Friend
 
“There was this kid I grew up with; he was younger than me. Sorta looked up to me, you know. We did our first work together, worked our way out of the street. Things were good, we made the most of it. During Prohibition, we ran molasses into Canada... made a fortune, your father, too. As much as anyone, I loved him and trusted him. Later on he had an idea to build a city out of a desert stop-over for GI's on the way to the West Coast. That kid's name was Moe Greene, and the city he invented was Las Vegas. This was a great man, a man of vision and guts. And there isn't even a plaque, or a signpost or a statue of him in that town! Someone put a bullet through his eye. No one knows who gave the order. When I heard it, I wasn't angry; I knew Moe, I knew he was head-strong, talking loud, saying stupid things. So when he turned up dead, I let it go. And I said to myself, this is the business we've chosen; I didn't ask who gave the order, because it had nothing to do with business!”
 
And didn’t possess a prejudice bone in his body.
 
“I Don't Trust A Doctor Who Can Hardly Speak English.”
 
And most important, a dreamer!
 
“If I could only live to see it, to be there with you. What I wouldn't give for twenty more years! Here we are, protected, free to make our profits without Kefauver, the goddamn Justice Department and the F.B.I. ninety miles away, in partnership with a friendly government. Ninety miles! It's nothing! Just one small step, looking for a man who wants to be President of the United States, and having the cash to make it possible. Michael, we're bigger than U.S. Steel.”
 
It seems like only yesterday when this great American stood up to the fake media and made this final, dramatic statement.

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Whedon vs Snyder

4/3/2021

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​Well, it was bound to happen and why not? Everyone else is doing it. I even hear that Great Clips is offering an HBO Max tie-in appropriately titled The Snyder Cut (can you add about two hours to the sides). So, here we go, in honor of all of that and, because everyone else is doing it, my thoughts on The Justice League, the Snyder Cut.
 
Before we perform a ceremonial pig-pile on Joss Whedon (yes, I think referencing a pig is quite appropriate), I want to state that I was a fan of some of his earlier work. Some episodes of Buffy the Vampire Killer are some of the finest television ever written. And Firefly, well, I was late coming to the short-lived series but eventually became a huge fan. The first Avengers is groundbreaking and opened up the whole genre of filmmaking. But as Patton warned, all glory is fleeting and the first in the series was followed by Avengers: The Age of Ultron and was as bad as the other film was good. I’ll leave out the Shakespeare at the Hollywood pool party which literally is Much Ado About Nothing, so, there you have it. Fan to not, quicker than you can say Marvel: Agents of Shield.
 
From what I have read, Warner’s (Warner Brothers to the uneducated and to anyone who has never been invited onto the lot), decided that they did not like Snyder’s version and were looking for a way to can him. Like the rest of his super-hero films, his version of the story was too hooty snooty (their words not mine) and needed to include more fun. You know, like The Thin Man or, say, The Hangover Part III. And this caped crusaders as gods bit. That definitely had to go. Keep the sermons to Sunday, brother, So, when Snyder’s back was turned with a family tragedy the boom was lowered and he was let go. Apparently, Dorothy Parker wasn’t available, so the studio turned to Whedon to turn what they already had into Justice League: Smart, good looking and sassy. They reshot some major footage, added a metric ton of quips, digitally erased a mustache and turned Synder’s black Superman suit into a more fitting and cheerful red and blue. The result is just what you would expect and is what I suspect of starting the whole pandemic that we find ourselves in, henceforth to be referred to the Whedon flu.
 
Now, onto the Snyder cut which is divided into 6 chapters (which is the exact number of Christ’s apostles cut in half, get it?), and runs shortly over four hours. Despite the running time, the movie has clear goals and accomplishes most of them. Characters that seemed a bit thin in the original have been fleshed out, and the story itself seems to make a bit more sense. I watched the film in increments, and it seemed to work. I stayed interested and found the additions compelling. The addition of The Martian Manhunter, Darkseid, Deathstroke made sense with only the multiple worlds, Joker scenario and the Lord of the Rings when is this going to end not really working for me. But, with all that, I think it is the superior version and definitely worth a look or three. I will be revisiting, just to see it in black and white.
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    Author

     ​In 1981, J.P. Linde co-wrote and appeared in a one-man comedy show titled “Casually Insane.”  Shortly after, he joined the ranks of stand-up comedy and performed in clubs and colleges throughout the United States and Canada.  In 1989, he made his national television debut on “Showtime’s Comedy Club Network.”  He wrote the libretto for the musical comedy “Wild Space A Go Go” and co-wrote and co-produced the feature motion picture, “Axe to Grind.”  “Son of Ravage” is his second novel.

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