No, it’s not my latest album, featuring a collection of all my favorite folk songs. Although, admit it. It would make a great LP Title. No, just a word or two on the benefit of keeping a journal. Do you do it? Do you refuse to do it? Do you even care? 
 
Archeologists Indiana Jones and Nathan Drake swear by them. Truman Capote actually armed his and used it to destroy any real relationship he had left. For those of you keeping score, here’s just a partial list of those who benefited from the practice.
 
Mark Twain
Marie Curie
Ernest Hemmingway
Susan Sontag
Frida
C.S. Lewis

All journaled and benefited.
 
And those that didn’t:
 
The Sundance Kid
The Mayhem Commercial Guy
All Members of the Rat Pack
Brett Favre
 
And those that never should:
Ted Bundy
H.H. Holmes
and
Donald J. Trump
 
I used to write at least three pages a day. I made this my practice for almost ten years. Did I receive any benefit from it? Well, it did successfully cramp my hand and take me from writing on other things for at least an hour. Did it make me a better writer? Not sure. All I can say is that I did it. It was sort of like smoking cigarettes for me. One day I was doing it, and the next, I just stopped. I’m not really sure what I am even getting at here. But here is the bottom line. If you do it, enjoy it, and keep it up. If you are not getting anything out of it, don’t. 
 
That is all.

​Liking Your Agent or Manager
 
Well, I’ve had both. Sometimes they never call, so it never has to be a question of like or dislike. That has already been determined. 
 
As a rule, managers tend to be a bit more hands-on, so it does matter. I enjoyed my last manager very much. The scheduled times always netted great results and resulted in a project with tons of commercial potential.
 
Some agents prefer to work in the background and will not call unless they have something. They spend most of their goodwill signing you and have very little left over for developing a relationship. This does not mean they are not going to work for you. After all, the more money you make, the better their chances of buying an electric vehicle. As my friend and mentor, Jerry likes to say. Let them do their work. They will call you when they need you. Now, on rare occasions, you will find an agent that you really enjoy working with. 
 
I am lucky as am currently into one of those. I have two in point of fact. That story I will save for later. Remember, beggars can’t be chooser and you don’t really know which Guild signatory agent is going to express interest. Keep in mind, that I have one interested agent, one who really likes my latest romcom, who has still not gotten back to me. I am not sure where she falls. I will ask when I finally hear back.
 
For the record, I am currently being represented by the delightful Betsy MacGee and Visionary Talent. One thing I can be sure of, it’s going to be fun.
 

​Now onto something even more important. Nicholas and Alexandria (1971), a film by Francis Schaffner and based on the book by Robert K. Massie. I love this film, and I don’t know why. Visually, it is stunning. The acting (both large and small) is top-notch. And yet it rambles along its three-hour running time like a slow-moving freight train that is 188 minutes late from arriving at the station. 
 
There are many memorable scenes, but one stands out that I will never forget. Nicholas abdicates, is under house arrest, and must walk through the gates of his palace, that are now filled with the peasants he has plundered and even killed. He puffs out his chest, acts as royal as possible, and passes hundreds of people who would prefer him dead. Once inside his apartment, he drops to his knees and sobs like the spoiled child he really is.
 
“Please! I didn't mean to! Please! I'm so ashamed! I didn't mean to do it! Please! Don't! Please! Don't! Please!”  
 
Ah, Batushka and Matushka. This really is movie magic.
 

(Sometimes, you just have to do it musically).
 
As far as I am concerned, one of the best films of my lifetime is Bill Forsythe’s, Local Hero. Unmatched in heart, soul humor, and original movie making. I watch it several times a year, and it never ceases to restore peace and calm to my chaotic self.
 
Likewise, the title song by Mark Knopfler, Going Home (theme from Local Hero), is the proverbial icing on the cake of my love fest. I listen to it often (several times as I write this) and will no doubt take a few more listens before the day is out.
 
Knopfler has done a total of eight film soundtracks, two of which have become classics. The other is, The Princess Bride. Both scores have a quality that borders on the magical. Bride is good, but Hero has always been my favorite. As far as I am concerned, a great song should be able to transport you, and Going Home does that for me. 
 
Do yourself a favor, if you have not seen the movie, do. Criterion has it listed amongst their titles, and the song, performed by Knopfler himself, is all over YouTube.
 
You’re welcome.
 

Warner Brothers announced this week that they will give Tolkien’s beloved Lord of the Rings property the DC treatment this week.  What does this mean? You can assume The Rock will not be involved, and we will get some very original filmmaking. You know, like, Shazam and Wonder Woman 1985. Future titles include:
 
Tom Bombadil (and his yellow boots)
 
The Dogs of Farmer Maggot 
 
A Cheers-like television situation comedy, The Prancing Pony. 
 
Treebeard vs. Old Man Willow
 
Young Saruman
 
Which of course, will lead to a billion-dollar mash-up every five years:
 
Masters of the Third Age (Treebeard, Farmer Maggots Dog’s, Tom Bombadil (and his boots of yellow), and all the ladies from Eighty for Brady team up to battle young Sauron and the Dunlending wild men.
 
As you can see, there are endless story possibilities to transform this franchise and turn it into a slot machine.

Every great personality has a quote they are famous for.
 
W.C. Fields has a lot:
 
“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”
 
“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
 
Groucho was extremely good at it.
 
“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.”
 
Dorothy Parker, seated at, or under, the Algonquin Round Table, managed to fire off more than her share of classics. Here are two of her greatest hits.
 
“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”
 
“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”
 
My point is this. I have been using the entirety of my free time, thinking of award-winning quotes. This takes my mind off of more important matters and frees it wander the length and breadth of my limited imagination and vocabulary.
 
Fans of the movie Axe to Grind, were treated to one of my own classics.
 
“There ain’t no crazy like California crazy.”
 
See. It’s not so hard. Here’s one I came up with today.
 
“If it ain’t all-consuming, it ain’t show business.” 
 
As you can see, I prefer to use the word ain’t whenever possible. It goes with the whole limited vocabulary thing. Okay, you give it a try.
 
All entries must be postmarked by March 18. Send $10.00 entry fee ( I learned this from screenwriting competitions) along with your quote to:
                              Krazy Quotes
                              PO Box 1000019
                              Washinton, DC
 
Winners will be judged by originality, the use of the word ain’t and, most importantly, their $10.00. Winning quotes will be displayed on a door mat.

Or… I Am So Close…
 
Or. Horseshoes and Hand Grenades
 
I, my friends, am still waiting. It’s like Waiting for Godot. But instead of Vladimir and Estragon, we have me (without eyebrows), an agent, and several production companies. But the plot remains the same. You, my audience can be Estragon who listens patiently as I prattle on about my career and the loss of my eyebrows.
 
Maybe I am getting too literary here. How about a different analogy? I sit at a bus stop, waiting patiently for a bus that may never come. If you have ever taken the bus, you know full well what I am talking about. You believe the bus is on its way, but this is life, and all sorts of things can happen to it before it reaches your stop.
 
Tom Petty once said:
 
“The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part.”
 
I wish I could tell you something that would make it all easier. But this is what we want to do more than anything else. I know that the more faith you put in the fact that a bus is on its way, the more disappointed you are when it never arrives. 
 
 
Little known facts: 
 
Eyebrows do not grow back.
 
There is always another bus.

I am not good at waiting, especially when a potential deal is at stake. I obsess non-stop, have a hard time sleeping, crave fatty foods and sugary treats, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. We have chatted about it before. How it is essential to be working on other projects, the importance of taking leisurely and relaxing walks, taking on new hobbies such as learning to strum on the guitar. So, with all that being said, what am I personally doing right now as I await word? 
 
I am watching the hairs of my left eyebrow fall out. No shit. It’s an actual thing. People can go bald in the eyebrows. Now, for the record, and to be quite scientific, there are other reasons for male pattern eyebrow baldness. Age (certainly qualify there), autoimmune diseases, skin conditions (maybe), and even stress.
 
Now, before I order some William Shatner for my eyebrows, or go online with the fine people of Hims, let’s get something straight. I love my eyebrows. Currently, I am sporting little blonde, okay white and brown, Hitler mustaches up there, most likely causing quite a stir in my Zoom meetings. 
 
There are a few possible solutions. Here are but a few.
 
Hair extensions for my eyebrows.
 
Eyebrow plugs
 
or...Drawing them on Like Joe Pesci in J.F.K.
 
The answer?
 
Unfortunately, there is none. We chose this path and it is something that if we are lucky enough, we may all have to deal with. You heard me. If someone is considering what you do, consider yourself lucky. Someone (and this is usually a company), is actually thinking of paying you money for something you created out of nothing. 

Or you can go full number 4. It's entirely up to you.
 
 

​So, a couple of years back, I was having lunch with a popular director, who made most of his films from the 70s through the 90s, and he happened to ask what I was currently working on. I answered that I worked for a production company writing copy for pitch decks.  “What the hell is a pitch deck?” he asked incredulously. 
 
And he’s not the only person. I know writers with very big reputations that have not heard of the practice. However, it must be noted that screenwriters with big reputations do not need a glossy magazine to sell their work.
 
I have to admit that I was also ignorant of their purpose until I was hired to write the copy. Now, not so much. In fact, I happen to be working on one of my own. If you are unfamiliar, think of them as a glossy magazine-style pitch of your portfolio. Most of them have a little art or photos, a logline, and a brief synopsis. Something that the average executive can glance at between meetings and restroom breaks.
 
Production companies find them helpful in pitching several projects at once and allowing the executive to whittle them down to the ones they want to pursue.
 
It would probably be a good idea to get familiar with the format before making one. Some graphic design companies can help you build a deck but be aware that they will charge you a substantial amount for doing so. Last warning: Cutting and pasting a photo from the web will not cut it. The keyword regarding pitch decks is slick and fun. Copy should be sharp and the artwork as eye-catching as a movie poster.
 
I wish I could show you the several I did. Unfortunately, for reasons I am sure you understand, I can’t. I don’t think the producers I worked for would appreciate my proprietary information sharing.  
 
Anyways, do yourself a favor and investigate it. Ask around, maybe a friend will be able to show you a sample.

​Seems “everybody’s working for the weekend.” Everyone, that is, except me. Between writing all day and my new subscription on BritBox, I’ve been pretty damn busy. The Peregrine novel is about a week away from being turned into the editor at Prose Press. Like most in my profession, I both love and hate it, depending on where I am in the editing process and my overall mood.
 
A very good writer at Spy Magazine, later at Premiere and Entertainment Week, gave me some good advice. I had sent my article on visiting the famous star of “Free Willy (Keiko, the masturbating whale) and was looking for feedback.  He was very kind but offered these words of advice: “Have you done your line-by-line reading yet?” I answered that I hadn’t, which elicited the following response. “Do it.”
 
Doing a line reading of your work is essential. Believe me, it is easy to get sidetracked. Once you start nitpicking, you may never stop. But that is what editing is for. A line reading is your best estimate to see how your reader will understand and enjoy your material. Do it. 
 
A couple of tips. Do not use a computer program to read along. Works for screenwriting, not so much with prose. While both depend on voice, narrative fiction calls for a bit more subtlety and finesse, which you can better comprehend by reading aloud. 
 
That’s all fine and good, J.P., but do you ever take the time to read over your blogs? Sorry, no time. Gotta go.  Besides, do as I say, not as I do.
 
BritBox faves so far:
 
Sherlock Holmes.  (Jeremy Brett is nothing short of brilliant)
 
Poirot. (Again, Actor David Suchet makes the $7.95 a month all worth it.)