J.P. Linde
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J.P. Linde

Writer
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1995: AROUND TOWN - KOIN TV (Portland Oregon)
In my brief 3 months as Entertainment Reporter, I won 16 Emmys and three Pulitzer Prizes.
You can now gift the entire J.P. Linde collection of novels and films. “SON OF RAVAGE,” “THE HOLOGRAPHIC DETECTIVE AGENCY” and, of course, the campy horror film classic “AXE TO GRIND.” All three make excellent gifts. And while you’re at it, add a couple of J.P. Linde COMEDY CLUB NETWORK appearances to your digital library. You can find all of my appearances on Amazon Prime at a very affordable price. Give the gift that will keep on giving. Get your J.P. Linde Media Bundle today!

“The most frequent side effects associated with the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are tachycardia, blurred vision, abdominal pain, and diarrhea. Decreases in appetite and rash/pruitus are also common. Those patients purchasing the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are at risk for developing extrapyramidal symptoms, including dystonia, parkinsonism, and restlessness, in addition to neuroleptic malignant syndrome and tardive dyskinesia. In some cases, The J.P. Linde Media Bundle can cause hyperprolactinemia, orthostatic hypotension, leucopenia, seizures, and the potential for suicide. As with most atypical antipsychotics, metabolic changes such as weight gain and hyperglycemia are also possible”

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How to Fiddle While Rome Burns

5/26/2023

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​We are all entitled to an optimistic post every once in a great while. Granted, I don’t have much to base my suspicions on, but, nevertheless, I think it is time we get some sort of smartphone application to stare at while civilization crumbles all around us. It must be colorful, filled with bings, zings, and other hypnotic sounds and sights to keep us all hypnotized, and most of all, it needs to bring our collective intellect down while increasing our social media awareness and overall “likes” by our fellow stupefied friends.
 
While we are at it, let’s bow our heads for a collective moment of silence for the practice of reading. Now that we are in the book-burning and banning stage of this Republic, I think it only fitting that we take a moment to reflect on reading, libraries, literature, thought, and other practices that were once part of our daily routine.
 
Okay, let’s get back to our application. It should have quirky animation, it should take no longer to figure out than the easiest wordle, and, most important, we should be the star of the game. After all, in a world where we only think of ourselves, who better to be the game’s star than none other than us?
 
Short post this week as I am exhausted by events in the world and our country.  But I do promise more big writing news a coming. Big for me anyways. But, for the moment, I will keep the news to ourselves. No need to brag about something when the world could end at any second.
 
And don’t forget to stay positive. 
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Random Thoughts After Sitting Through Another Marvel Movie

5/20/2023

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​Antman and Wasp: Quantumania. 
 
On a scale of one to five, Ms Marvels. I give this one a two and a half. I swear. These movies are the cinematic equivalent of a twenty-five-cent package of Ramen noodles. Quick, easy, and a packet of sodium-laden spice to make it feel like you’re actually eating something. Don’t get me wrong. It was not as bad as most of them, and nowhere as good as… Well, I can’t remember. But I am pretty damn sure there have been a couple of I have liked. Black Panther, Captain Marvel, and, uh, well… Never mind.
 
And herein lies the problem. As a culture, we mostly do not read… at least anything larger than the screen of a smartphone. We do not support the arts, we are leaning toward a totalitarian, fascist-leaning government, and we are killing the planet. Someone thinks this is the only kind of pablum our creative digestive systems will take. They are wrong. Right now, we are getting that from the few remaining sources that remain, and that is streaming television. So, let’s get rid of that as well. Let’s have the AI writers of the H.A.L. 9000 computer dream up television in which to lull us into a sense of complacency as society breaks down around us. I mean, seriously! How much worse do things need to get?
 
2027. That’s the magic number when the world becomes so hot, it starts attempting to eradicate the human virus that infects it. In the meantime,  go to your 65-inch 6K television and stream something important like, The Masked Singer.
 
But we are not dead yet. Here are some things you can do to save the creative planet.
 
Support the Arts (Music/Theatre/Dance/Visual.
 
Read an actual book. Something that is going to move you. Go out and have coffee and have others watch you actually reading something bigger than a phone screen. It may inspire them to do the same.
 
Support any and all independent films. I don’t care what genre. Preferably go see one at your local movie theatre. 
 
For fuck’s sake, quit procreating. Trust me. The remaining people living in Mad Max world will be better off. 
 
Attempt to make some difference in the world. 
 
And don’t forget to see D.C.’s The Flash! Coming to a theatre, on June 16th 2023.
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Hey, what are you listening to?

5/13/2023

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​The best sports movie of this year, or at least the last year, Air. Superbly directed by Ben “Dunkin Doughnuts” Affleck, it features stellar performances by Viola Davis, Jason Bateman, Matt Damon, and Chris Messina. It is a fascinating story, well told.
 
This brings up, how I discovered this freshly minted gem of the new Amazon release. I first heard about it on, the podcast Smartless, featuring Sean Hayes, Jason Bateman, and Will Arnett. This brings us, finally, to the subject of this week's blog. Which I call, hey, what podcasts are you listening to?
 
As always, I have to go first.
 
The aforementioned Smartless is always entertaining, and the episode featuring actor/director Bill Hader is laugh-out-loud funny.
 
You Must Remember This. As far as myself, my daughter, and my wife are concerned, Karina Longworth is a national treasure. With a very distinct style, our host introduces tales of Hollywood that are surprisingly relevant to the times we live in. Join her, won’t you?
 
Deadline Strike Talk with Billy Ray and Todd Garner. Crucial and up-to-date information on what’s at stake for the creative community.
 
WTF with Marc Maron. Been listening for years and will most likely never stop? Why, because these are thoughtful interviews with not only celebrities but with newsmakers, authors, and investigators about topics that matter.
 
Stop Me if I’ve Heard This with hosts Art Krug and Susan Rice is like coming home. Two comics from Portland just sitting around talking about stuff. Always entertaining.  
 
Anything else? Honorable mentions to Batman: The Audio Adventures, Naked Lunch with Somebody Feed Phil host, Phil Rosenthal and David Wild, and James Bonding, Matt Gourley and Matt Mira, along with invited comics, dissect individual James Bond films.
 
Okay, I’ve said my piece. Happy listening!
 
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Writer’s Strike: Week 2. Winners and Losers

5/8/2023

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Well, I believe I called this one. Buckle your seatbelts, writers, it’s going to be a bumpy strike.  This is one of those one-hundred-day-plus affairs. You can sniff the stalemate in the wind. Teamsters are vowing not to cross, SAF/AFTRA members are joining the picket lines in a show of solidarity, and to make matters worse, I swear I beheld a pale horse; and he who sat on it had the name Death, and Hades was following with him.
 
So let’s break it down. Second week. Who has the upper hand, and who is holding a poker hand, notoriously known as fruit salad? 
 
Drum roll, please! 
 
Too early to tell. I can say this. It will be a while before the studios will take a step back. They are attempting to set the rules for the DGA and the SAG negotiations just around the corner. And this is their chance to change how movies are created and, eventually, how they are made. Screenplays written and directed by AI starring computer-generated digital images of Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall, and Adrian Zmed.
 
Human Art and endeavor is best served by humans. Do what you can to help. Donate. Get educated. You can listen to a weekly podcast called Strike Talk offered by Deadline Hollywood. 
 
Support all unions. 
 
And don’t hold your breath. This is going to take a while.
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    Author

     ​In 1981, J.P. Linde co-wrote and appeared in a one-man comedy show titled “Casually Insane.”  Shortly after, he joined the ranks of stand-up comedy and performed in clubs and colleges throughout the United States and Canada.  In 1989, he made his national television debut on “Showtime’s Comedy Club Network.”  He wrote the libretto for the musical comedy “Wild Space A Go Go” and co-wrote and co-produced the feature motion picture, “Axe to Grind.”  “Son of Ravage” is his second novel.

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