​First off, Christopher Guest happens to be one of my favorite directors of all time. And it’s no coincidence that 4 of the 5 movies below are in my list of my 100 top-rated films. As we move into the month of June, let’s take just a few minutes to consider the comedic brilliance of Mr. Christopher Guest. 

​“Now I know what it feels like to stare down into the Grand Canyon.”
 
“In every actor there lives a tiger, a pig, an ass, and a nightingale.”
 
Despite the two excellent quotes listed above, it is my humble opinion that this film does not rise to the level of any of Guest’s films listed below. To me, the emotional balance of For Your Consideration is a bit off and some of the characters come off a little more tragic than they need to. Never-the-less, there are some terrific sequences, gags and improvisations, the highlight for me the send up of the Entertainment Tonight type show hosted by none other than the late Fred Willard and the always stellar Jane Lynch.
 
 

​4. The Big Picture (1989)
 
“I don't know you. I don't know your work. But I think you are a genius. And I am never wrong about that.”
 
“If you decide to sign with me, you're gonna get more than an agent. You're gonna get three people. 
(Holds up four fingers) You're gonna get an agent, a mother, a father, a shoulder to cry on, someone who knows this business inside and out. And if anyone ever tries to cross you, I'll grab them by the balls and squeeze 'til they're dead.”
 
The Big Picture is an unpolished jewel of a movie. Ask anyone in Hollywood how accurate it is and you will most likely get one of two responses. Anyone who has taken a meeting a meeting with a Hollywood executive will recognize the razor-sharp parody right off. Ask 9 out of 10 film producers and you may get an entirely different response. I once asked a producer if he had seen The Big Picture and he returned the question with nothing but a cold, icy stare. Most executives            I have asked just shake their heads, bemoaning the use of such prejudicial stereotypes. And that’s exactly why I love this film. For me, the satire works on so many levels, but one particular scene sums it all up quite nicely

​A Mighty Wind (2003)
 
“There was abuse in my family, but it was mostly musical in nature.”
 
“In 1971, after the breakup of the Main Street Singers, Chuck Wiseman moved up to San Francisco where she started a retail business with his brothers Howard and Dell, the Three Wisemen's Sex Emporium. It was very successful for a year until they were sued over something having to do with a box of ben wah balls.”
 
This is a real peach of a movie, following the lives of several folk groups and singers on their way to a televised reunion. Once again, it is Guest’s glorious ensemble that makes this a stand-out. The repertory of actors are all represented and don’t disappoint. The big televised concert, and the closing title musical number at the end are the icing on the delectable cake. Performances by Levy and Ohara are amongst the best in the entire series and manage to be as emotionally moving as they are hilarious. 
 

​And a tie for #1 “Best in Show” and “Waiting for Guffman.”
 
“We consider ourselves bi-costal if you consider the Mississippi River one of the coasts.” 
 
“Here's the Remains of the Day lunchbox. Kids don't like eating at school, but if they have a Remains of the Day lunchbox they're a lot happier.”
 
Waiting for Guffman (1996)
 
This is a brilliant community theatre Waiting for Godot. And for the record, I have never used the words brilliant and community theatre in the same sentence. But if ever a film deserved that honor, this is the picture. The storyline is small town epic, the improvisation from the major players to the townspeople are all incredible (check out Bryan Doyle Murray if you don’t believe me). It just couldn’t get any better than this and I considered this to be Guest’s comedic masterpiece until this happened.
 
“I went to one of those obedience places once... it was all going well until they spilled hot candle wax on my private parts.”
 
“If you're ever buying a shampoo sink go right to the Dutch. The French know nothing about shampooing.”
 
 
Best in Show (2000). 
 
Again, never has a comedic ensemble delivered a story with so much humor, love and pathos than in the fictional but impressively and realistically rendered Mayflower Dog Show. The textures of each of the major players is deliciously hilarious, yet poignant and sweet. The performances by Catherine O’Hara and Eugene Levy are nothing short of Oscar worthy and the rest of the cast delivers the goods repeatedly, scene after scene after scene. For Guest’s very particular brand of movie making this is considered a break-out success. I cannot praise it enough.  

And now, we interrupt this blog post with an important announcement

Attention all Ravagers: 

​Next week, June 6th and the following Saturday, June 13th, I will be posting the entire first chapter to my newest comedy and adventure novel, Sequel of Ravage.  If you’re a fan of the first book and wondered what happens to Barry Ravage and his merry band of adventurers, now’s your chance! This is a one-time, two-part event, so by all means, I hope to see you there!

It's Memorial Day Weekend and what better way to celebrate the shut-in holiday than dragging out the old Traeger Smoker and skinning some smoke wagons. Two immediately come to mind and I thought it would be fun to guess which one is my favorite.

In 1993 and 94 two separate films about legendary lawman Wyatt Earp were released. Tombstone was the first, followed shortly after by the three-hour epic Wyatt Earp. One picture was plagued with problems, the other featured a star so cocksure of himself that he offered to buy the entire town of Tombstone Arizona, reverting it back to the spitting image of what it was during the historic Gunfight at the OK Corral. Both of these films have merit. One is as fun as the other is mired in historical detail. One has an Academy Award nominated writer director/the other has (drum roll) George P Cosmatos. One is overlong, while one sizzles as hot as the Arizona heat. Today, we saunter into the virtual saloon of our imagination and discuss two films, and why one movie eventually came out on top.
 
Modern Wyatt Earp movies for a thousand, Alex.
 
It was none other than Sly Stallone that recommended that George P Cosmatos direct. But it was eventually revealed that Cosmatos was a ghost director, Kurt Russell the real man calling the shots.
 
Kevin Costner was originally involved with the film Tombstone, the film originally intended to be a six-hour miniseries.
 
Both movies were produced at the same time and Costner used his considerable clout to convince most of the major studios to refuse to distribute the competing film. 
 
Wyatt Earp was nominated for 5 Razzie Awards. Coincidentally, Tombstone was nominated for none.
 
Running time for Earp: 190 minutes
Running time for Tombstone: 130 minutes

Okay, let’s talk. While Wyatt Earp does deserve most of the criticism it gets, including an overlong running time and a general lack of focus, it does have some strengths. Dennis Quaid as Doc is very much worth sticking around for. His emaciated presence relays a realism that simply is not found in the other picture. The score for Earp is epically impressive and soars to heights that the film itself can’t hope to achieve. Costner’s performance is all over the place, and in playing the young Earp, he successfully manages to throw out any sense of realism that the film so desperately seeks to achieve. All of the sets appear to be accurate and the performances of the supporting cast, including Gene Hackman, are great. In conclusion, the film never manages to rise up to its potential and, in my humble opinion, the buck stops with Costner.

You tell ‘em I’m coming and hell’s coming with me.”

Tombstone didn’t try to be a classic. It simply is one. Top-notch writing that is quoted to this day is something rare in cinema. Kevin Jarre’s screenplay crackles with authenticity and it’s a pity we did not see his complete version. The performances throughout never try too and let the characters do all the talking. Kilmer is electric and Kurt Russell gives the performance of his life. The supporting cast of Elliot, Paxton, Delaney, Boothe, Biehn all deliver some of their best work and seem to be having the time of their lives. Oh, and all the glorious mustaches. Let’s not forget those. The bushel of collective hair on the actor’s upper lips is almost as fun as the picture itself. If there is a weakness in the movie, it’s the number of pages pulled out of the script when the entire project went over budget and behind schedule. Rumor has it that Russell himself was forced to choose what was shot and what wasn’t. Because of this, the buildup to the finale seems rushed and could have benefited more from real scenes as opposed to a montage of scenes of Wyatt and friends on horseback.  But when all said and done, the above flaw does not take away from this film being considered a superior entry in the canon of Wyatt Earp.​

Have a great, eh, holiday weekend.
 

If you have only one book to read this pandemic…and have already devoured by book, Son of Ravage (El Dorado Press and available to order at all independent bookstores), I’d humbly suggest the mysteries of the incomparable and rumpled television detective Columbo by Dame Agatha Christie. Okay, I am lying about the Agatha Christie part. But there are books, and they are mysteries. As an added bonus, they are all about actual events such as the Manson Murders, the J Edgar Hoover Files and even the Kennedy assassination. Rumor has it that on less than Oliver Stone himself used Columbo: The Grassy Knoll as source material for his epic film JFK. So, without further ado, Pacia Linde, reviews the first in the series, Columbo: The Grassy Knoll. 

I read Columbo: The Grassy Knoll so you don’t have to. Just kidding. I read Columbo: The Grassy Knoll because I am a Columbo fanatic and because I genuinely love the Kennedys and any half-baked conspiracy that involves them. But, the novel was not at all what I expected. For whatever reason, I expected, or at least hoped, that the novel would be set in the aftermath of the Kennedy assassination and that Columbo, a rookie cop who has found himself at the parade in Dallas, becomes embroiled in the mystery of who killed John F. Kennedy. It could be Columbo’s origin story. Sounds like a great novel, right? Well, this is not that novel. This novel, set in 1993, is the story of a television news man who is murdered after promising to reveal newly discovered information on the thirty year anniversary of the assassination.
     The novel follows the basic formula of a Columbo episode. It starts with a murder. The audience knows who did it but not why. That, of course, is where Columbo comes in. The book follows the formula perfectly. But what it lacks are the elements that make an episode of Columbo so memorable, including a combination of Columbo’s idiosyncrasies and a compelling villain. This book has no compelling villain. The murderers in this story are vain (as an antagonist in the Columbo universe should be), but not particularly intelligent. They are vaguely but not compellingly drawn to Columbo, also a necessary element. The best Columbo episodes, such as Try and Catch Me starring the incomparable Ruth Gordon, work so well because Columbo and his adversary actually come to respect and admire one another. It makes the inevitable denouement all the more powerful. There is nothing of that here. There is just annoyance and boredom from the audience at all of the characters (except Columbo, of course).
     Also crucial to a great Columbo episode is the revelation of a new Columbo mannerism. Of course, anything added to the character in a book would seem like heresy, but a recitation of all of his previously mentioned behaviors seems like just a greatest hits meant to manipulate the audience into complacency in regards to a lackluster plot. There are scores of “just one more thing”s, mentions of Mrs. Columbo and her hobbies, Columbo’s rumpled appearance and raincoat, his cigars, and the song “This Old Man”, which makes an appearance in many later episodes. All of these things are mentioned so numerously that they begin to feel like a chore. There is no sense of balance between the mannerisms and the character himself. The character of Columbo is rendered flat by the relentless use of these characteristics. They don’t endear us to the Columbo of the book as they have to the Columbo of television. 
     But, if there is one recurring theme operating within the novel it is the state of women’s décolletage. The author managed to hone in on women’s chests in a way that he was not able to hone in on much else. But that makes sense. I mean, aren’t breasts the key descriptor, nay the only relevant descriptor, of any woman. Take this quote, for example: “she was just a very pretty girl, with a friendly face and dark-brown hair. She was wearing a man’s vest undershirt and a pair of blue denim shorts. He pretended he didn’t notice she was wearing nothing under the shirt. He was not a man to ogle, but he was not blind nor was he indifferent to a woman’s charms…” (122-123). Oh, come on. I mean, what’s the deal? There are no boobs in Columbo. That is definitely not canon. 
     I guess all this is to say that I didn’t really enjoy the book. I enjoyed the idea of the book. I enjoyed my imagined version of the book. But I didn’t enjoy this book. There was something a little too bombastic, a little too presumptuous, a little too contrived for me to enjoy it as much as, say, an episode of Columbo. But there was something in this book that I loved and that was the reappearance of Dog. This book takes place, as I have noted before, in 1993 and, inexplicably, after 20 years, Dog is still alive, enjoying lazy drives with Columbo as he always has. I think, if there is any one thing we can all agree on, it is that Dog should live forever. 
  

You can enjoy more of Pacia Linde at:

A "You Kids Get Off My Lawn" Editorial

So, I just finished the first draft of another script, forever cementing my place in the Guinness Book of World Record as the screenwriter with most un-produced spec screenplays in the history of all documented time. I know, quite a record, right? You are most likely asking yourself, how do you know this to be an actual fact? Well, the Guinness fact-checkers have been to my garage in Windsor countless times, pouring over the contents of file cabinets, accordion files and Manila folders just to make sure that my record remains factual and intact. And, I am quite confident I will be seeing them again in the next few weeks as I put the finishing touches to my latest shelter in place masterpiece.
 
But the preceding paragraph begs the question, why, if you have so many unproduced masterpieces do you bother to continue? It’s not like you can make fancy macramé covers and sell them at the nearby Farmer’s Market. Well, first off you can, and just saying, it is far more lucrative than selling my novels on Amazon. Secondly, the types of stories I write tend to tell me when and where they need to be written and it turns out that I, the mere vessel of these temperamental musae, have very little choice in the matter.
 
And while I believe the venues for completed films remains in doubt, the need for original stories is only going to grow. Maybe this is just what nature intended to get away from the bloated movie making of the past and a return to more original and a lower cost of storytelling. If there is a positive spin to all of this CoVid 19 nonsense, it maybe that the movie world will become far less inclusive and welcome more talented storytelling and storytellers into its ranks. Like clearing skies and less crowded 405, lets hope we see some pandemic sized benefits.
 
With any luck, producers are using this time to reevaluate the stories they want to tell. Maybe we’ll get back to more enlightened approach to storytelling, one that is entertaining, throws in a lesson about our fickle natures along the way and does not break the bank. It’s not exactly a novel approach but would be quite welcome none the less.
​

And on completely different note, so grateful to be included in The Who’s Who In New Pulp compiled by AirShip  27’s Ron Fortier and Rob Davis. The book will be available to order in the Fall and I will keep you posted.

Next week: the long awaited "There are no boobs in Columbo" a review of William Harrington's Columbo novel, "The Grassy Knoll," by Pacia Marie Linde. And while your at it, check out Pacia's  blog. 

Intro by Mr. Brutt Dale

Brutt Dale's dire warnings are beacon of truth in world, shining the everlasting light of freedom onto a dark and troubled world. His video blog is posted weekly and he would be much obliged if you subscribed to his youtube channel.

COMING SOON to jplinde.com: "There Are No Boobs in Columbo" a serious discussion of the Columbo TOR series of books reviewed by Pacia M Linde.