J.P. Linde
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J.P. Linde

Writer
J.P. on "STOP ME IF I'VE HEARD THIS" 04/13/20
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1995: AROUND TOWN - KOIN TV (Portland Oregon)
In my brief 3 months as Entertainment Reporter, I won 16 Emmys and three Pulitzer Prizes.
You can now gift the entire J.P. Linde collection of novels and films. “SON OF RAVAGE,” “THE HOLOGRAPHIC DETECTIVE AGENCY” and, of course, the campy horror film classic “AXE TO GRIND.” All three make excellent gifts. And while you’re at it, add a couple of J.P. Linde COMEDY CLUB NETWORK appearances to your digital library. You can find all of my appearances on Amazon Prime at a very affordable price. Give the gift that will keep on giving. Get your J.P. Linde Media Bundle today!

“The most frequent side effects associated with the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are tachycardia, blurred vision, abdominal pain, and diarrhea. Decreases in appetite and rash/pruitus are also common. Those patients purchasing the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are at risk for developing extrapyramidal symptoms, including dystonia, parkinsonism, and restlessness, in addition to neuroleptic malignant syndrome and tardive dyskinesia. In some cases, The J.P. Linde Media Bundle can cause hyperprolactinemia, orthostatic hypotension, leucopenia, seizures, and the potential for suicide. As with most atypical antipsychotics, metabolic changes such as weight gain and hyperglycemia are also possible”

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“Here Comes the Comeback.”

5/29/2021

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​The late, great Thomas McComb had a favorite saying whenever one was faced with either a decision, setback or a prolonged period of pity partying:

“You’re either on the bus, or off.”

It was Tom’s special way of saying, “fuck you, you want in or not?”

We all go through the same periods of trial, tribulation, self-doubt or whether it is just time to throw in the towel and let life carry you down the current to the Falls of Rauros (Tom would have appreciated the LOTR reference).

I’m going to have to agree with Tommy on this one. Creativity is not a merely a gift, talent or a blessing. It is a calling. Do I need to repeat that. You have a talent and it is up to you to do something useful with it. You simply don’t retire, walk away or quit. In order to achieve maximum benefit, you must nurture and practice it. And, at all costs, you never ever give up.

I have been writing for almost fifty years. The total amount of money I made from “my calling” would not fill up one reusable bag from Trader Joe’s. Needless to say, I insist on being paid only in large untraceable bills, but the fact remains the same; I write because it is what I do. There is nothing else I would rather do. It brings me joy and on rare occasions provides a bit of entertainment to others.

I am by no means a great writer either. There are thousands more with more talent than I will ever hope to have. My daughter, Pacia Marie Linde, is one of these. If you don’t believe me, check out her blog.
​However I do know this as a fact, I am much better than I was 50 years ago. And, occasionally I get to bat and I hit a solid line drive that gets me all the way to second base. I am still hoping that I am young enough to hit a triple or maybe even a home run. We’ll see.
 
But, I can tell you this much:
 
I am definitely “on the bus.”
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Godspell 50th (pt 2)

5/22/2021

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Two weeks ago, I reported of a reunion that promised to be a bit more, eh, out of the ordinary than your run of the mill convention. Well, Monday, May 17th (Tax Day), I attended the last day Zoom event and am happy to report that not only did I survive the ordeal but also had a pretty good time.
 
Godspell is 50 years old (350 in dog and cat years) and to celebrate, all of us involved in any sort of production, gathered virtually to celebrate. Stephen Schwartz, the original composer kicked it all off, warmly embracing more than 700 from all over the world. From here it could have easily gone all downhill. From ill prepared queues, missed video cues, skipped intros and questions, not to mention an ascot wearing, middle aged radio DJ emcee who seemed to be a bit displaced, it had the makings of a disaster. However, the three days were all dedicated to the little musical that could and all the people who in some small way brought it to life. So, somehow, in all the confusion, the light and magic of the musical based on the Gospel of Matthew managed to shine through. 
 
The highlight for me was the panel of original cast members, including Joanne Jonas who appeared in both the stage and film production. The stories of workshopping the production along with the relating of gaffes and bloopers was fun and the anecdotes of the celebrities coming to the shows, were well worth the free admission. There was also a conversation with original cast members from overseas productions as well and that was just as fun. I have to admit to enjoying the brief interlude of Godspell swag…including one of the original ventriloquist dummies from the show provided a much needed “oh yeah,” I forgot that was in the show moment.
 
Inspirationally interspersed along the way were the stories shared of how Godspell had changed lives. I was only in one production but most of the veterans had appeared in more than one and had even directed a production or two. It reminded me of the television Glee phenomenon and how it had successfully managed to assist more than one “Gleek” in finding confidence and maybe even a creative voice. Oh yeah, did I mention that I won a door prize?

​www.playbill.com/video/godspell-50th-anniversary
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News from the Front.

5/15/2021

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Here to comment on the ongoing situation at home and abroad is the celebrated fictional news commentator and father of Pamela, Alistar "Talky" Tudsbury.

Direct from the colonies, this is my report:

It is Spring in Sonoma County…or as the natives prefer to call it, “Extreme Fire Danger until Monday.” The official start of the season keeps being pushed forward due to what flat-earthers and Q Anon conspiracists refer to as high probability of Jewish Space Lasers along with a fifty percent chance of denial.
 
When most people are worried about whether they remembered to take their Claritin in the morning, Californians are packing and repacking our Go bags while walking around our homes documenting with cellphones purchases over a thousand dollars made in the last year. It’s a festive season, filled with dry, hot winds that closely resemble the dust storms in the film Interstellar. Meanwhile in Washington, the minority rep in Congress, a shithead by the name of Kevin McCarthy literally screws over a colleague while his beloved state gets ready to combust before all our eyes. That’s okay though, because he’s from Bakersfield will ever burn to the ground. Sorry, Bakersfield.
 
Record Tornados in the Midwest, floods in the South, it’s like living in a Roland Emmerich movie with the benefit of an entertaining Harvey Firestone cameo.

But at least Republicans in Arizona continue with their important work, checking ballots for Chinese Bamboo fragments and DNA from the Bob Crane dinner theatre murders. I swear to God, we all expect Yanks to be dumb but really? They are surpassing the fictional world of Idiocracy in leaps and bounds here. 

Cheerio.
 
This is Alistair Tudsberry signing off.

​

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God-Con

5/8/2021

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​I have a confession to make, I’m not really into reunions. I did attend my high school 20 year, but only to prove that I was in fact, despite all rumors to the contrary, still alive. That being said, there is one such reunion I do plan on attending.
 
Have I piqued your interest? Read on.
 
They have them for Star Trek, Stargate, Star Wars and even Dr. Who. The popularity of these fan based get togethers has grown into a phenomenon that generate millions of dollars in revenue and continued good will to the brand. Comic-Con takes over an entire Southern California city. And now, after 50 years, Stephen Schwartz’s musical, Godspell will be getting joining the ranks of such gatherings. And why not? This little musical chestnut has launched a rabid fan base of followers and ex cast members that have never forgotten their relationship with this memorable bit of theatre history. And now, after 50 years, we’re all getting together for a virtual shindig to celebrate our experiences with a show that has become indelible part of our collective memory. Godspell has launched careers, created friendships and in the spring of 1974, in one of the first productions on the west coast, I was lucky enough to join these hallowed ranks.
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​One of the secrets to getting the most out of this show is the cast. If you don’t believe me, ask Paul Schaeffer, Martin Short, Gilda Radner, Victor Garber, Sylvester Stallone or any of the thousands of others who have been lucky enough to have this show on their resume (okay, I am lying about Sly, but wouldn’t that have been an interpretation worth seeing?). We had some of the best in my own show including Robert Allen, Alan Turner, Judy Jaroz, Jerry Wolfe, Tom Graff, Michelle Mariana, Julie Wiley, Audrey Smith, with musical direction by the great jazz arranger/composer Dave Barduhn and directed for the stage by Richard Melo. To all of us, it truly was lightning in a bottle and in all my ensuing years of theatre, the experience has never been duplicated.
 
So, when a digital flier, with my own Godspell publicity photo on the cover, showed up promising a reunion of like-minded enthusiasts, I signed up. And, despite what you might think,  it was not just because of my photo. Next week, I join the ranks of fellow cast members to talk, share and compare notes. I doubt any of our war stories will rival storming Normandy Beach but am quite sure that some may very well be worth relating. 
 
I am just disappointed that no one asked me to lead one of the many panel discussions.
 
I even have an idea for my subject:
 
It’s not Jesus Christ Superstar, damn it! That’s a whole other show.
 
Anyway, I will be there and if you happened to be in any of the casts to the happiest show on earth, consider joining us.
Godspell Family Celebration
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Celebrity Traegering

5/1/2021

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​For the uninitiated, the term Traegering sounds like some German sport involving beer, ice skates and an oversized catcher’s mitt. In point of fact, only one of these items qualifies as a required accessory. Hint. It’s the first. Celebrity Traegering kicks the concept up a notch (so very sorry for the Guy Fieri reference), and unlike Battle of the Network Stars, does not involve in any way, shape or form washed up television celebrities. 
 
Traegering is actually a term for a slow cooking and smoking process with a cooking device that resembles an oversized black barrel atop a matching sawhorse. When I refer to Celebrity Traegering, I am referring to me with my stellar IMDB STARmeter rating of 1,257.318 (up 6,718 from just last month). I know about this particular brand of smoker because I fell victim to its devilish cult a year ago and have since Traegered everything from a full Thanksgiving Day Turkey, a New Year’s Prime Rib to a St. Paddy’s Day Corn Beef. But this is black canister of flavor is not just for carnivores. We’ve done fish, veggies and even a pizza or two. And because of my vast experience, I felt it my duty to pass a long a few helpful hints and even a recipe to heighten your Traeger experience that will make you the envy of your neighborhood Ace Hardware Store, (which you will be forced to visit every couple of days to pick up more Traeger Signature Pellets).
 
For the record, Traeger smoking pellets come in the following flavors:
Hickory
Apple
Cherry
Pecan
Maple
Alder
And two new flavors:
Dr. Pepper (which for copyright reasons is called Mister Beevis)
And something called Orange Creamsicle Kush.
 
There also happens to be something called Signature blend, which my brother-in-law insists is just a combination of all the flavors swept up off the floor after a long day at the Traeger factory.
 
So, based on my recommendation, you have purchased a Traeger and are now ready to cook to your heart’s content (or disease, whichever comes first). There are literally billions of Traeger recipes online and for legal reasons, I suggest you stick to those. However, I have taken the liberty of sharing one of my favorite recipes that has been passed onto me by a fellow enthusiast.
Enjoy!
 
Ben’s Scotch and Soda with Smoked Ice Cubes 
 
What you will need:
Non-flammable container
Water
 
Set smoker at 225. Place tap or filtered water (completely at your discretion) in a container. Preheat smoker. Place container fat side up on the Traeger grill. (Hint: Somehow you always smoke everything, including water, fat side up). Smoke water. Take water off the grill before you lose all of it to evaporation. Place remaining H20 in ice cube holder. Freeze. Add Scotch.
 
There you have it. Simple, right? Until next time, happy Traegering!
​Next week: Air Fryers for Dummies
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    Author

     ​In 1981, J.P. Linde co-wrote and appeared in a one-man comedy show titled “Casually Insane.”  Shortly after, he joined the ranks of stand-up comedy and performed in clubs and colleges throughout the United States and Canada.  In 1989, he made his national television debut on “Showtime’s Comedy Club Network.”  He wrote the libretto for the musical comedy “Wild Space A Go Go” and co-wrote and co-produced the feature motion picture, “Axe to Grind.”  “Son of Ravage” is his second novel.

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