J.P. Linde
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J.P. Linde
Writer
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​J.P. Linde’s love of storytelling started unexpectedly when he convinced male classmates of his 6th-grade class that Elizabeth Montgomery, the star of Bewitched, was his girlfriend. Since that fateful day, J.P. Linde has worked as an actor in summer-stock productions of  Our Town, Hot L Baltimore, and The Misanthrope and, thankfully, did not appear nude during any performances of the musical Hair. He was one of the founding members of the Portland, Oregon comedy scene,  establishing the improvisational and sketch comedy group, No Prisoners, and appearing in his own one-person show, Casually Insane. He has worked as a professional stand-up comedian, making his national television debut on Showtime’s Comedy Club Network. His musical Wild Space, A Go Go, had its world premiere in Portland at The Embers in 2011.  He has written three novels. His latest,  The Last Argonaut, will be published in 2024 by Pro Se Productions. He co-wrote the horror cult classic Axe to Grind and has worked with some of the leading producers in film and television.
From J.P. Linde Media and El Dorado Press:

A desperate Wyatt Earp pursues Jack London, a boy, and a
grizzled mountain man in a race for a legendary gold mine


Fool's Gold 

The new novel from J.P. Linde
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"Not only is J.P. Linde's FOOL's GOLD a barn burner of a snow western adventure tale, it's also a love story. Linde clearly loves his genre, loves creating within it and loves to keep his readers on the edge of their seat."    Richard Melo (Author of Happy Talk and Jokerman 8).
Also by J.P. and available on 
Amazon!
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https://a.co/d/gsulDTu
"J.P. Linde has successfully delivered a novel that is both a loving homage to the pulp fiction genre and a hilarious satire of it. "
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Visionary Talent Agency
Betsy Magee (Agent)
​646-637-6044
[email protected]
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Dapper Bird Entertainment
Olga Aldama (Manager)
818-967-4041
[email protected]


One slightly Used Giant Jewish Space Laser. Must Move Quickly

1/30/2021

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Just when you thought we couldn’t get any dumber, this happens. 

A quote from Marjorie Taylor Greene:
 
"Oddly there are all these people who have said they saw what looked like lasers or blue beams of light causing the fires."
 
And what powers these mysterious space cannons?
 
“Space solar generators."
 
Run by?
 
"Rothschild Inc, international investment banking firm."
 
Who happens to be currently on the board of PG&E.
 
Wow. And I thought the My Crack and Pillow Guy was out of his mind. Seems like a majority of the Republican Party is currently neck deep in the works of Carlos Castaneda. And this appears to be just the beginning. 
 
Fellow Lizard People, here is a list of coming Q Anon conspiracy theories. Be sure and mark your calendars as some of these predictions are literally just around the corner.
 
  • The Uncle Sam billboard in Chehalis, Washington will be registered as a national landmark and become new mecca for the American Nazi Party, the KKK and the upper management of a popular chicken establishment.
  •  Jewish Space Lasers will one day be as affordable as hybrid cars, automatic garage door openers and jet packs.
  • The term “Lizard people” will be added to all American history textbooks.
  • Covid-19 will eventually be eradicated with liberal use of non-scented Febreze. 
  • Mortgage rates will soon fall below 2% and “the Jews” will buy all your stuff.
  • Disney will remove Trump from Florida’s Hall of Presidents, replacing him with Ernst Stavro Blofeld and his cat.
  • Star Trek: The Motion Picture/The Directors’ Cut will finally be released on Blu Ray.
  • In what will eventually be categorized as a miracle, Kirk Cameron will mount a comeback in movies, replacing Willie Aames in the long, anticipated sequel to Zapped.
  • Scott Sanford will finally win an Academy Award for best original screenplay.
  • Lindsey Graham will be the very special guest in season 30 of Dancing with the Stars.

Well, there you have it. Perilous times indeed. If you do encounter either a Space Laser or a lizard person, do not hesitate to call Mar-a-lago at 561 832 2600. Be sure and tell them, The Visitors sent you.
 
And now, for your entertainment pleasure, a democrat has a snack:
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Breathe Easier, America?

1/23/2021

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​Hopefully this will be my last political blog of the new year. Bad shit is still happening all around us, but at least the big, bad, orange Randall Flagg is no longer huffing and puffing across this nation. Maybe he is like Sauron, merely waiting his time until the third age to attempt to finish us all. Well, like the environment, we Americans have a way of dealing with such things; kick it down the damn road for another generation.
 
To all of the “deplorables” who are now wailing and gnashing their teeth because Q did not intervene and stop the lizard, democratic pedophiles, I can only say, a giant heart-felt fuck you. Just a reminder, Santa Claus is not coming to town, your mom was the tooth fairy and Jesus is never coming back for you. He left you a message and you ignored it. Go back into your caves, under rocks or doublewides if you got, and take a community college night class. I’d prefer Civics but will settle on all of you taking Introduction to Film.
 
I am not naïve. We will have a hard time coming together. What divides us, is ultimately a lot stronger than what holds us together. Why, because its older. It turns out that racism is the tie that binds, the super-glue that holds all of it together. Look to your neighbor to your left, look to your neighbor to your right and if they are not racists, guess what? 
​
With Sleepy Joe, hopefully we finally have a minute or two to catch our breath. Take a nap but, word of caution, do it with your eyes open. Remember, there Urik-Hai and Orcs are still around. They just go by different names now. Names like Tuberville, Cruz and Hawley. They are legion, reproducing, not only infiltrating politics but all other areas of civilized society as well, including Real Estate, Nail Salons, Gun-toting diners and cancelled Showtime series Ray Donovan. 
 
And now that I have totally depressed you, here is a brief message of hope from Dame Katy Perry.
 

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The Rogues Gallery

1/16/2021

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This won’t take as long as the My Pillow Guy’s plan to overturn a free and fair election. I must admit, I never once suspected the former crack addict and bedding entrepreneur of plotting to overthrow the government. But, I guess we live in curious times.  Watching a civilized society implode is not for squeamish. It takes a real resolution to count down the days before a newly elected government takes over. And It ain’t over. There is a whole collection of second-string villains, eagerly awaiting their guest star roles for America’s own version of the Adam West Batman.
 
There’s the devious and dastardly Cuck played, of course by the charming and wife watching Roger Stone and his not so youthful ward, The Rev. There’s always the Sycophant Butt Boys, Senator Cruz and Hawley. Always a joy to see how low these ass-killers will go. Mattel from Hell, (Ivanka and Mr. Ivanka) prove to be as dangerous as they are unwilling to let you use on of their toilets. Mr. Moneybags, Lou Dobbs, is a great minion for the throngs of Trump supporters who have to use urinary catheters. And who could forget, the most horrifying of them all, The Cage himself,” Stephen, (I forgot I am Jewish) Hitler, I mean Miller.
 
What’s really sad is I could go on and on and on and on. Kelly Ann Conway, The Shrieking Skull, Steve “The Mnuch” Mnuchin. Well, you see, all warrant villain roles, battling the 60s Caped Crusader. The sad part, half of America would be rooting for the bad guys.
 
Stay safe, Amercia. And I really mean it!
 
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Beware the Ides of January

1/9/2021

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​We interrupt regularly scheduled programming this week for this special BEWARE THE IDES OF JANUARY episode. Let’s start with the facts, shall we.
 
The President invited his “followers” to Washington DC, promising all a “wild protest.”
After addressing his followers on Jan 6, 2020. The so-called wild protest turns into a seditious mob, threatening to kill Vice President Mike Pence and storms the capital building. Seems like someone left the barn door open and with little trouble they walk on in. Some of these asshats are even armed with weapons, some carry zip-ties while pipe bombs are left outside. Later, commentators on Fox News declare that members of Antifa have infiltrated this mob which is absolutely false. Protestors clearly declare to anyone with a camera and a mic who they are and what they are doing.
 
Meanwhile back at the White House, Trump and his criminal family watch, laugh and tweet as thugs ransack the national seat of power. Music plays and everyone seems to be having a grand time. After holding back support for the beleaguered capital, the National Guard finally arrives and the protestors are beat back where there are almost no arrests until the following day.
 
Trump is subsequently banned from Twitter and promises to work for a peaceful transition of power. However, he will not be attending the inauguration.
 
Why the recap? Because my fear is this is not over. This mob has promised that this is not over and that they will return with even greater numbers. They have threatened the prospect of a peaceful transition of power as well as state and local governments. 
 
From CNN:
 
“John Scott-Railton, a senior researcher at the Citizen Lab -- a group at the University of Toronto that monitors cybersecurity -- said he is "terribly concerned" about the inauguration.
"While the broader public was aghast at what happened (Wednesday) at the Capitol, in certain corners of the sort of right wing conversation, what happened ... is viewed as a success," he told CNN.”
 
I firmly believe that the FBI and all other law enforcement agencies are monitoring the chatter of these terrorists. Oh, wait, the Justice Department and The Department of Homeland Security are still under the control of the White House.
 
Now what?
 
Please contact your representatives and let them know that you are concerned about the safety of the inauguration and of our republic. Fully protect the Nation’s Capital and fully check anyone in and out in the next few weeks. Send the local National Guard to our State Capitals. Armed protestors must be arrested on sight. Fuck their 2nd amendment rights. They walk on state government property, they get arrested and thrown in jail for inciting violence.
 
Enough is enough! For the past for years, America’s doors have been open and we have been infiltrated by traitors an it is time to slam it in their face. 
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How Mando saved Star Wars

1/2/2021

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I saw the title of an article recently that proposed Disney’s The Mandalorian saved Star Wars. SPOILER ALERT. It did. In my opinion Jon Favreau’s series did more for the franchise than J.J Abrams did for two films. When you talk about the top movies in the canon, one naturally turns to Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, Star Wars: A New Hope and Star Wars: Rogue One. All three of these films have one thing in common, a dedication to story. Favreau’s series went back to the basics as to what made these particular films great. 
 
There is no other place in the universe that these characters can belong to and yet, they are all truly something special. My personal favorite was in only two episodes but made an impression that will stick with me for quite some time. I am speaking of course of Werner Herzog, star of the classic Werner Herzog Eats his Shoe. Armed with a sinister leer and a piercing stare, he steals every single scene he is in. Add to the roster the following guest stars, all with reoccurring roles, Nick Nolte, Amy Sedaris, Bill Burr, Gina Carano and Carl Weathers, and you have a cast of characters truly worth tuning in. Not one of these characters is uninteresting and all because of an attention to character and what makes Star Wars truly special.
 
I don’t want to leave out Pedro Pascal who shines as the futuristic samurai with a code that is as unwavering as he is. A great character like this deserves great stories and in two seasons there has not been a dud. Even episodes that are distinctly similar to Kurosawa or Leone have their twist and individual flavor. 
 
The line-up of guest directors is as talented and diverse as the actors. Dave Filoni, Rick Famuyiwa, Deborah Chow, Bryce Dallas Howard, Taika Waititi and Carl Weathers. All of these artists share two very special things in common, a love of all things Star Wars and the writing and production supervision of Jon Favreau.
 
 Together, they have all forged a welcome addition and a renewed vitality to a beloved series.
 
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