​As a public service, I have created a show business and literary lexicon for a better understanding of the language and meanings of those who may be considering your work of literary fiction or screenplay. So, without further ado, I present this helpful aid and inviteyou to refer it as often as you need. The language of show business is like most complex foreign tongues, and it is important that we start simple and work our way up.
 
The Basics:
 
Pass – We don’t want it.
Interesting – A passive aggressive way of saying we don’t want it.
We may hear something next week – We are going to wait a week and then tell you we don’t want it.
Something should shake loose in a couple of weeks – Nothing will shake loose, and we never wanted it in the first place. It was a mistake to even take your phone cal.l
 
Good luck with your future endeavors – fuck off.
Are you in the union? Please tell me you are not in the union.
We’re meeting with someone very important next week – I’m lying to you about this and I don’t know why.
We have some notes – This is going to require a lot of work.
We have just a few notes – This will require quite a lot of work. Honestly, I don’t know why I bother
It’s Perfect – I haven’t read it yet. I will have plenty of notes for you later.
 
Digging Deeper:
 
We love this character – Can you make this character completely different?
I was a little unclear regarding this character – Get rid of this character.
I am a little unclear of what happens here – I never read the script. It was explained to me and I later fired that person.
I love your story - I did not throw up.
The script has some potential – Right now I can’t find anything better.
Everyone is really excited about your story - I desperately need to pitch something at next Friday’s meeting.
Your through in this business – You were never in this business.
Let’s take a meeting - I’m hungry. Do you like sushi?
There are two speeds in Hollywood, slow or blazing fast – Quit calling me. Jesus.
Can we have a quick chat? -  I’d fire you if you actually worked for me.
 
Screenwriting Service Ads
 
Thousands use our service everyday – We are going to rip you off for at least one hundred dollars.
 
Come pitch your script to industry professionals – We are going to rip you off for at least three hundred dollars and you’re going to have to get a room.
Industry Professionals – Proud men and women who work in our mailroom.
Our Success stories – Pure fiction.
Photos of our success stories – Pulp fiction.
 
And there you have it. Navigating always requires a map and a compass. Hopefully the above guidance will serve you as well as it has served me, And, think of it this way, it didn’t cost you anything.

​It has been a while since we’ve tackled a subject with any intellectual heft to it, (the last being a serious discussion of the James Bond gun barrel sequences). Ever since, I’ve had the nagging feeling that my blog is wasting away. But that time is over, friends. Today, we roar back with a subject that should go down as one of the most powerful blog posts of all time. Today I give you, the top seven Magnificent Seven movies.
 
I’ve been in love with the original 1960 original The Magnificent Seven since the 70’s when notorious college drug dealers hijacked my small black and white television and made me watch it (if you’re lucky, I may relate this story further someday). Long story short, unlike the experience, the movie starring Steve McQueen, Yul Brynner and Eli Wallach and directed by John Sturges, stuck with me. So, with this introduction out of the way, let’s proceed.

​Dishonorable Mentions: #6 and #7
 
The Guns of the Magnificent Seven and The Magnificent Seven Ride. Uh, well they make the list only because Magnificent Seven is somewhere in the title. Yul Brynner’s iconic Chris was long gone, touring in a road show production of King and I most likely. He had been replaced by George Kennedy and Lee Van Cleef respectively. While both are fine actors in their own right, their magnificent crews had been whittled down to the likes, of Ed Lauter, Micheal Callan, Ralph Waite, Gary Busey. James Whitmore, Joe Don Baker, Bernie Casey and Monte Markham as Keno. Let’s just be polite and pass both of these films off as, No thank you.
 

​The Return of the Seven. (1966) Yul Brynner returned to the iconic role of Chris with two stipulations, give me a batshit crazy script and no Steve McQueen. The producers relented to the temperamental actor’s requests and, along with Robert Fuller (from television’s Emergency) we got this mess. Filmed in Spain, as shooting in Mexico had become problematic (the entire country had read the script), this low-level entry into the canon at least has Yul and at the very end a lot of shit blows up…blows up real good.

#4 The Magnificent Seven (Television Show and subsequent Christmas Specials). Okay, I am kidding about the holiday specials, but it would have been fun, watching all of Chris’s friends get shot down before the star is placed at the top of the tree. Michael Biehn portrays Chris and Eric Close is Vin as seven gunfighters attempt to defend a town. Robert Vaughn joined mid-season to add some needed umph to the series but alas, was too late. Interesting, but all in all, a miss.

#3 The Magnificent Seven directed by Antoine Fuquo is a much needed to return to what made the original great. The casting, from Denzel Washington to Vincent D’ Onofrio is brilliant and the entire story breathes fresh life into a series that I had remained convinced could not be brought back to life. Fuquo reports that he was a fan of western films since he was a kid and it shows in everything he does. Chris Pratt is so much fun to watch and his final scene should go in the western shoot-out hall of fame. 

 #2 The Magnificent Seven (1960) and directed by John Sturges. It’s a no-brainer as to why this film continues to resonate. First, it catapulted Steven McQueen, James Colburn and Charles Bronson to stardom and broke open an entire genre of heroes with jaded pasts seeking redemption. It also introduced us to Eli Wallach, in the first of his Mexican Bandido trilogy of roles that concluded in an epic performance as Tuco from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. This film is only rated #2 on our list because of the film that preceded it and the casting of the German actor Horst Buchholz as Chico. Still, this film stands up very well to multiple, nay hundreds, of repeated viewings.


And, the #1 Magnificent Seven movie of all time?

“Those who forget history are doomed to forget it.”
 
If we ever get through this dark period of politics, our future reveals only a few options. Given our lack of education, society’s unshakable belief in conspiracies and total lack of respect for the sciences or the arts, our future maybe already written for us. So, as we careen through the annals of history, wantedly ignoring all warning signs, I humbly present a little gem of a film by Mike Judge called Idiocracy.
 
“Shit. I know shit's bad right now. With all that starving bullshit. And the dust storms. And we're running out of French Fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution.” President Camacho.
 
Mike Judge is the award-winning creator of Beavis and Butthead, King of the Hill, the sleeper hit Office Space and HBO’s brilliant Silicon Valley. His humor and social commentary is consistently spot-on, but in Idiocracy, he has transcended humorous political commentary and touched upon the real pulse of a modern, truth ignoring society. While visiting Disneyland, Judge witnessed a cursing match between two mothers with infants in strollers. The verbal joust between the foul-mouthed Madonna’s stuck with him and the idea for this modern classic was born.

​“But the English language had deteriorated into a hybrid of hillbilly, valley girl, inner city slang, and various grunts”.  – Narrator
 
To say that the film is funny is an understatement. It is hilarious. It’s a shame that the main critics of the film happened to be the studio that financed it. Tired of the film’s harsh critiques of corporations, the overall politics and themes, weary executives at 20th Century Fox hoped for a quick transition to video shelves and sat on the finished film for over a year. Eventually, it was released to a very limited run, making little or no of its money back.
 
Despite the negative vibes, critics responded favorably to the film. L.A. Times reviewer Carina Chocano described Idiocracy as "spot on" satire and a "pitch-black, bleakly hilarious vision of an American future."
 
“Hey, at least it’s not another superhero movie.”
 
“Today, the film’s title doubles as a term used in news cycles as a kind of shortcut to describe the world we live in.” When Pixar’s beloved classic “WALL-E” came out in 2008, Roger Ebert pointed to “Idiocracy” as an unconscious influence on the film’s vision of a dumbed-down, consumer-driven future.

Perhaps it’s too late for a lone movie to save civilization. But as we sprint full speed deeper into the land of the ludicrous, Idiocracy by Mike Judge may just predict how this whole human race turns out. You may not like what you see, but at least the laughter may deaden the pain.
 

Next Week: Top 7 Magnificent Seven Films!

​One cannot look back at the career of Scottish director Bill Forsyth without celebrating his influence on other independent filmmakers across the pond. The ripples from his success have been felt across Great Britain and in 2007 crested upon the shores of Ireland. 
 
Ladies and gentlemen, we salute John Carney. This Irish filmmaker, and former rock bassist, has a healthy dose of Bill Forsyth’s independent streak but substitutes the Scot’s magical with a healthy dose of realism. 

​Carney first hit, Once (2007), starred newcomers Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. This musical film, made on a shoestring budget of less than 100,000 Euros, was photographed with two borrowed camcorders and quite successfully put this filmmaker on the map. Taking a page directly from the playbook of Forsyth, there is no antagonist that drives this picture but the slow revealing of the characters that keeps us entertained and in our seats. The backdrop of Dublin serves the story well as if it is daring the characters to try and get out.
 
Once again, Hollywood studios are shown that a “little film” can have heart and still do boffo business.
 
“I like 'Guys and Dolls,' 'Singin' in the Rain' and 'A Star Is Born.' When it works, a musical is an amazing thing. But it rarely works.”
 
Already in a relatively young career, Carney has over 19 nominations here and abroad and 13 wins.

​In 2013 and Carney comes back with a film shot in New York. Carney sucks it up and decides to used established talent. His stars for Begin Again are Mark Ruffalo and Kiera Knightly and his choice for the latter was not without controversy.
 
“I don’t want to rubbish Keira, but you know it’s hard being a film actor and it requires a certain level of honesty and self-analysis that I don’t think she’s ready for yet and I certainly don’t think she was ready for on that film,”
 
Carney later apologized. The fact is, he was wrong about Knightly. She is quite good as the heartbroken songwriter and plays off Ruffalo’s down and out music producer quite nicely. Despite some dark backstory, Begin Again has a lighter and audiences immediately responded to the story above, love, loss and most importantly music. The opening introductions of the two major characters are both original and the follow-through is nothing short of brilliant. Plus, it had some pretty decent music by none other than Adam Levine. Not bad for a guy who only a few years back was playing bass in a band called The Frames.

​“It's very hard to tell an actor, 'Stop acting.' It's easy to tell a non-actor, because they're embarrassed when they act. They get ashamed when they do something cliche, whereas an actor is happy.”
 
The jewel in this trifecta of independent filmmaking is Sing Street. With a cast of mostly unknowns and original tunes, Carney returns to Dublin with a little film is the perfect blend of both heart and wit. The evolution of this little ragtag band of 80’s musician wannabes is truly something to behold. The music is more than memorable, and the homemade videos of the band are hilarious. The dialogue is natural and never forced and the entire film carries on the legacy of heart inspired by all of the films before it. 
 
I cannot recommend this series of films by John Carney enough. 

​Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. As far movies into musicals, Carney has Forsyth beat. Once has already received the full Broadway treatment and Sing Street is already playing on Off Broadway.

 Great response to my salute to Local Hero. It is very much appreciated. Now, if only I could find more films like the above to talk about this site may just get popular. Unfortunately, this week, we will have to make-due with the hodgepodge below. As always, differing opinions on topics are always welcome.

​Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. This was the first Star Wars film that I felt I didn’t have to rush off immediately and see. I didn’t and it turns out my instincts were correct. Verdict? While not exactly a total waste of time, I think it’s a bit of a hot mess. Too many plot points crammed into an excrutiating slow-moving story. For the most part, all of the performances are good with special kudos going to Billy Dee Williams, for still be able to get around and flash that winning smile, and Richard E. Grant for being villainous while at the same time totally underused. I really think it is time that the whole production team go back and think this whole Star Wars thing through. In my humble opinion, the best films of the series have been Rogue One and…

​The Mandalorian. This Disney Plus addition is a must see. A perfect blend of the best of Star Wars, Italian Westerns and, yes, even Kurosawa. Baby Yoda is the breakout star of the limited series and Werner Herzog’s villainous turn is worth coming back for. Great guest stars and cameos throughout and, all in all, a much-needed boost to the Star Wars universe. It’s nothing short of brilliant and another feather in the creative cap of director/producer/writer Jon Favreau.

​Paramount’s Jack Ryan and Paramount’s Star Trek: Discovery (both Season 2) are hit and miss. The performances and production values remain high, the major story setting in Jack Ryan not up to the standards set in the premier season. Star Trek Discovery starts out slow, but by episode 6 takes off with a homage to the original that is worth the price of the entire Blu-Ray set. Both shows are still worth watching, in order to be all caught up for the upcoming seasons. Star Trek Discovery is already finishing up its 3rd season and, as yet, Jack Ryan’s fate is yet to be announced.
​
The Outsider on HBO is crazy creepy and super great It is based on the novel by Stephen King and all of the performances by everyone in the cast, are topnotch. If this mini-series does not give you a sense of overall dread, I don’t know what will. Jason Bateman, fresh off his hit series Ozark, directs the hell out of the first two episodes and is doing a brilliant job.  The show is not without flaws, one in fact leads to this week’s gripe:
 
With the all the benefits of shooting in high resolution video, we have decided as an entire community to shoot with available light whenever possible. When used sparingly, this can cause anticipation, angst and an overall sense of dread to your project. When used all the time, it can also cause the overwhelming sensation of what the hell am I supposed to be looking at? I am hoping this is actually a trend and not that I am losing my vision. It could also be god’s way of saying I need a new 5 or even 6 k television. Until I find out for sure, can we at least shoot a few shots during the day? Thank you.
 
Okay, now that I have had my, “you kids stay off my yard” moment, we can all get on with our lives. Have a great week and I will see you all next week.