J.P. Linde
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J.P. Linde

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1995: AROUND TOWN - KOIN TV (Portland Oregon)
In my brief 3 months as Entertainment Reporter, I won 16 Emmys and three Pulitzer Prizes.
You can now gift the entire J.P. Linde collection of novels and films. “SON OF RAVAGE,” “THE HOLOGRAPHIC DETECTIVE AGENCY” and, of course, the campy horror film classic “AXE TO GRIND.” All three make excellent gifts. And while you’re at it, add a couple of J.P. Linde COMEDY CLUB NETWORK appearances to your digital library. You can find all of my appearances on Amazon Prime at a very affordable price. Give the gift that will keep on giving. Get your J.P. Linde Media Bundle today!

“The most frequent side effects associated with the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are tachycardia, blurred vision, abdominal pain, and diarrhea. Decreases in appetite and rash/pruitus are also common. Those patients purchasing the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are at risk for developing extrapyramidal symptoms, including dystonia, parkinsonism, and restlessness, in addition to neuroleptic malignant syndrome and tardive dyskinesia. In some cases, The J.P. Linde Media Bundle can cause hyperprolactinemia, orthostatic hypotension, leucopenia, seizures, and the potential for suicide. As with most atypical antipsychotics, metabolic changes such as weight gain and hyperglycemia are also possible”

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Seasons Greetings

12/26/2020

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Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Nothing sums up the holidays better for me than Jonny Quest, Race Bannon, Dr. Benton C Quest and, Hadji, Bandit and, of course, the inscrutable and evil Dr. Zin.

​Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
 
We’re taking a few days off for refresh and renew. But, hey, we will be back with plenty more. Promise. In the meantime, stay safe and we will see you all back in 2021. 

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Top Five Christmas Movies

12/19/2020

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Well, taking a break from the chaos that surrounds us, I thought it high time I bring back a list. Not just any list, mind you, but a list of my top five Christmas movies. Some may surprise you. Some may even delight you. Some, well, I’m not even sure how they got on this list.
 
Without further ado, let’s get started.
 
Die Hard. 1988 Quintessential holiday film? Well, it certainly surpasses Pocket Full of Miracles. John McTiernan’s succeeded in making a holiday classic from the limited confines of the action/adventure genre. Suck on that, Sly and Arnie.
 
Bad Santa 2003 – In my mind, there are two stand-up performances in this film and neither one of them are really the star. Both John Ritter (mall manager) and Bernie Mac (Security) are worth the entire price of admission. Not that Billy Bob is bad, in point of fact, he’s great! It’s just, for my mind anyway, the former performances offer a bit more depth of character than the womanizing, alcoholic Santa
 
The Man Who Came to Dinner (1942), Christmas in Connecticut (1945) and Remember the Night (1940) For those who consider Frank Capra long winded and a bit of bore, I suggest these three. Each one is outstanding in their own way and two of three have a bit of a kick. Just watch them and you can decide which two (Hint: Alexander Wolcott and shoplifting).
 
“I hate people! I hate people!
People are despicable creatures
Loathesome inexplicable creatures
Good-for-nothing kickable creatures
I hate people! I abhor them!
When I see the indolent classes
Sitting on their indolent asses
Gulping ale from indolent glasses
I hate people! I detest them! I deplore them!”

 
 
And my favorite Christmas movie, the musical adaption of a Christmas Carol, starring that giant of musical comedy, Mr. Albert Finney, Scrooge 1970. I am not entirely sure why this is at the top of my list. To be honest, when I look at my high points, they might very well be considered someone else’s low points. Whether it is Sir Alec Guinness, Obi-wan himself, singing that memorable little ditty, See the Phantoms, or Finney himself singing another showstopper in musical history, I Hate People (changed to I Hate Christmas for the London Stage). These two performances are very noteworthy and, in my mind anyway to not get nearly enough holiday airplay on the local radio.
 
Okay, well, we’ve almost made it through the year. I am proud of all of us.  Merry Christmas!
 
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Ding Dong

12/12/2020

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​“Ding-dong, the witch is dead! Which old witch? The wicked witch
Ding-dong, the wicked witch is dead
Wake up, you sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed
Wake up, the wicked witch is dead!”
 
Short of a violent coup, the Diaper Don will be heading out in just under a month. Last night, the Supreme Court, 3 of its “esteemed” members appointed by the orange one himself, decided not to hear the Texas case. The fat lady has officially sung, and it is nearly time to vacate. As with all white trash moves in the middle of the night, it is important that the American public conduct a quick inventory to make sure that the Florida hillbillies do not walk off with the furniture.
 
Are there any other surprises coming our way in the next few weeks? Most likely, yes. Americans are dying at a rate that is higher than 9/11 or the Civil War and we are about to enter what many scientists consider to the be the worst of it. So, rather than unify around a common cause, we as a nation have decided on derision, violence and even stupidity to set our course. And 45 fits right in. So, watch yourselves, everybody, things can and most likely will get a bit dicey.
 
Hey, at least I knew what I wanted to write about this week. Stay safe, everyone and we will talk again soon.
 
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A Blog with No Name

12/5/2020

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​Eh, I, oh, well…  Today, uh, we, I, eh…  I have been doing this little blog for almost two years. I have not missed a week due to having nothing to post. This week may be different. I was all set to write something inspirational titled, Hope is Not a Strategy. Then I realized that Bill Clinton came from Hope and I tossed the idea out the window. I also grow weary of composing hate-filled diatribes against this President and his corrupt family and administration. It only makes my restless nights a bit more restless as I weigh one outrage over another while tossing on my Sealy Posturepedic. So, I think today it will be a little different. Today I will talk about, eh, ah, uh…
 
Maybe I should take a minute to compose myself.
 
Okay, I’m back. So, how have you been? Are you going to get the shot? I think I will. Have to see. If it is anything like the shingles vaccine, we are all in for quite a ride. Okay, where were we? What were we talking about? Sir Sean Connery passed away. Did you know that Sean Connery passed on the role of Gandalf in Lord of the Rings? He said he didn’t understand it, so he passed, and it later became a great hit. That’s why he took League of Extraordinary Gentlemen as he didn’t understand it and because of this it would be a big hit. Well, that didn’t work out so well. So, he retired.
 
It is now December in Northern CA and we have had one day of rain, two if you are counting an additional day of heavy due with a side of mist. Not that I mind, sunshine but our fire season has now been extended from August to New Years. Think about that. This is a long time to have a go bag in your trunk.
 
As I ramble on, it will be interesting to see what you tube video I choose for the end of the blog. Much like this post, I literally have no idea of what I will include. It will most likely be music. As much as we all love funny cat videos, we have most likely seen them all. Same with the videos of guys getting hit in the balls, falling onto their balls or leaping onto a trampoline, hitting some object and it hits them in the balls. I do hear there is a video of Rudy Giuliani farting during a hearing. But, that’s officially politics and I am attempting to get away from that sort of thing.
 
Oh, well, I think that is about it for this week. Below is this week’s video. Even though I don’t know what it is, enjoy.
 
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    Author

     ​In 1981, J.P. Linde co-wrote and appeared in a one-man comedy show titled “Casually Insane.”  Shortly after, he joined the ranks of stand-up comedy and performed in clubs and colleges throughout the United States and Canada.  In 1989, he made his national television debut on “Showtime’s Comedy Club Network.”  He wrote the libretto for the musical comedy “Wild Space A Go Go” and co-wrote and co-produced the feature motion picture, “Axe to Grind.”  “Son of Ravage” is his second novel.

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