J.P. Linde
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J.P. Linde

Writer
J.P. on "STOP ME IF I'VE HEARD THIS" 04/13/20
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1995: AROUND TOWN - KOIN TV (Portland Oregon)
In my brief 3 months as Entertainment Reporter, I won 16 Emmys and three Pulitzer Prizes.
You can now gift the entire J.P. Linde collection of novels and films. “SON OF RAVAGE,” “THE HOLOGRAPHIC DETECTIVE AGENCY” and, of course, the campy horror film classic “AXE TO GRIND.” All three make excellent gifts. And while you’re at it, add a couple of J.P. Linde COMEDY CLUB NETWORK appearances to your digital library. You can find all of my appearances on Amazon Prime at a very affordable price. Give the gift that will keep on giving. Get your J.P. Linde Media Bundle today!

“The most frequent side effects associated with the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are tachycardia, blurred vision, abdominal pain, and diarrhea. Decreases in appetite and rash/pruitus are also common. Those patients purchasing the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are at risk for developing extrapyramidal symptoms, including dystonia, parkinsonism, and restlessness, in addition to neuroleptic malignant syndrome and tardive dyskinesia. In some cases, The J.P. Linde Media Bundle can cause hyperprolactinemia, orthostatic hypotension, leucopenia, seizures, and the potential for suicide. As with most atypical antipsychotics, metabolic changes such as weight gain and hyperglycemia are also possible”

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For Immediate Release

7/30/2022

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​A while back I wrote a short story based on The Purple Zombie, created by the first female comic book creator June Tarpe Mills.  I had a blast and I think you will enjoy a story that has a bit of WW2 intrigue, spies, dames, fighter pilot skeletons, and one giant purple and lovable zombie! That is part of a collection from the fine folks at Prose Press and Pro Se Productions and will be released sometime this fall.
 
Well, I am pleased to announce another great collaboration with these fine folks at Pon an original novel featuring the further adventures of Barry Reese’s very original creation, The Peregrine!
 
Battling both villains from this world and beyond, Max Davies, aka The Peregrine, is a hero for all fans of new pulp. Oh, and did I mention that he is married to a B movie actress who has her own unquenchable thirst for danger? 
 
I hope to capture the true spirit of these lively writings and look forward to taking all of you readers on the ride of your life.
 
I’ll keep you posted.
 
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Big Doings (that I can't really talk about)

7/23/2022

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Sometimes there are big doin’s you can ramble on about. Other times, shish. Sometimes, you must wait to see what transpires. You clearly see that your destination is on the other side of the street. You have every intention of crossing the street and arriving at your pre-determined destination. But caution and experience tell you that a lot can happen when crossing the street. I won’t get into particulars, but I think you know what I am talking about.
 
The good news that I can tell you is that it involves another NDA and that I am required to jump through a couple of hoops before we can consider it close to done. The other news is a bit more complicated. Once I get across the street and arrive at my destination, I still have several more destinations to reach before I can consider the task complete. Then and only then will I be able to consider I was successful. 
 
I will reveal more details as soon as I am allowed to. So, you’re just going to have to make do. Remember the immortal words of Captain Jason Nesmith (no relation to Michael), 
 
“Never give up. Never surrender!”  

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Waiting...It's the Hardest Part!

7/16/2022

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​Did I mention I hate waiting? Of course, I did. On several occasions. Three times have I dedicated to the subject. And as many times as I have brought up the subject, I have reminded us of the importance of working on another project.
 
The theme on this blog is a bit different. Not much but a little. Today we are going to talk about waiting for word on multiple projects.
 
Currently, I have a short story awaiting publication.
 
A novel proposal waiting for approval from a publishing house.
 
Awaiting an answer to a representation query for a literary manager.
 
An original pilot episode at five companies. Some production companies better than others. But, what the hell. You do what you can do.
 
And last and certainly not least, a very big project with an established director and very respected producer. 
 
So, what have I been doing to alleviate this stress that is keeping me up at night.
 
Well, taking my walks/hike. Today it happened to be a hike and after getting disoriented, I believe it maybe time for me to pin my name and address onto my jacket. BTW, I do have a bucket hat, so my progression to senile old coot is almost complete.
 
Guitar playing every day. This week has been focused exclusively on strumming and changing chords. Very challenging switching from a C to a F major to a D. Try it.
 
Protest the Supreme Court Dobbs Decision in any way that I can.
 
 Exploring all the new shows on all the streaming services. Lincoln Lawyer, For All Mankind, Star Trek: Brave New Worlds, and 1960s Mission Impossible, just to name a few.
 
Reading. Currently 3/4 through Harlem Shuffle, Shelby Foote’s The Civil War (Volume 2), and a few more.
 
Day SF Giants baseball games in the city.
 
Asking my brother-in-law about his breakfast with Chuck Norris. Yes, this really happened, and I am absolutely obsessed with this not-so-random event. And of course, I now must revisit Delta Force, The Expendables (1, 2, 3), and Walker Texas Ranger.
 
If you have any other suggestions, I would love to hear them. Please list all your ideas on the website comment form. Who knows, the winner may even get an autographed copy of my book.
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The Cologuards

7/9/2022

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The Cologuards were a new wave rock and roll fusion band, formed in the early seventies in Gresham Oregon and Mount Hood Community College. The popular band exclusively plays top 40 covers and songs that promote colon health. Band members consist of Glenn “Fingers” Holmes on keyboards, J.P. “Bowels” Linde on Lead Guitar, Daniel “Laser Eyes” Sanders on Bass, and Jerry “The Voice” Lambert on vocals.
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2022 Reunion Tour
 
July 22nd: 8pm. Mercy Wellness Dispensary, Cotati, CA. 
 
July 29th:  8pm. Majestic Skin Experts, South Pasadena, CA
 
August 1st. 7pm. Disney Concert Hall, Los Angeles, CA
 
August 2nd. 8pm. Shasta Festival of the Arts, Redding, CA
 
August 3rd 2pm. Stinker Gas Station (U Serve/U Save) Twin Falls, Idaho
 
August 10th 8pm. Gresham Fred Meyer (Customer Service Desk) Gresham, Oregon.
 
August 13th 2pm. MHCC Student Lounge. Gresham Oregon.
 
August 17-18, 7pm. Pig and Pancake Seaside, Oregon.
 
Tickets available at Ticketmaster and at the door. Dates and Times subject to change. Check out our new album available on all streaming outlets. Join the Cologuard Fan Club.

(Pictured left or right, band founders J.P. Linde and Dan Sanders.

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CA Summer

7/2/2022

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​Some call it summer. Most here in California refer to it as Hell. That time of year when fires dot our landscape with the frequency of Ava Gardner relationships. A particular time of year when our go bags are packed, our gas tanks are full, and we have a pre-arranged Target parking lot where we plan to spend the night. Now, some of our citizens can afford to have their own fire department. Not so in my peaceful little berg. Here, in the town of Windsor, we rely on self-reliance and the importance of backing your car into the driveway. Our vacation season is now January and February. And we all share a common application on our smartphones. The app is called Watch Duty, and with it, we can follow the complete life of a fire, from a homeless person setting it to air tankers dropping retardant all over our neighborhood. I am not sure how we ever truly lived without it. Oh, yeah, I remember, the earth was cooler than, and we had water. 
 
As of today, I am following the adventures of a little devil called the Roblar Fire. It started sometime later in the afternoon and, within one half hour as consumed 20 acres with 0 percent containment. As a side hustle, we watch the wind just in case this little flaming urchin decides to change direction and head to town. This is important as with a good breeze, it could only take a few hours. 
 
Anyway, as you get in gas-guzzling, ozone-depleting vehicles, or jet to your favorite destination, remember us in California. We are thinking of you, and not so much about the cost of fuel. That seven dollars per gallon higher price may have just saved us for another year. 
 
Oh yeah. Fuck the President of Brazil.
 
Until next time…if there is a next time.
 
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    Author

     ​In 1981, J.P. Linde co-wrote and appeared in a one-man comedy show titled “Casually Insane.”  Shortly after, he joined the ranks of stand-up comedy and performed in clubs and colleges throughout the United States and Canada.  In 1989, he made his national television debut on “Showtime’s Comedy Club Network.”  He wrote the libretto for the musical comedy “Wild Space A Go Go” and co-wrote and co-produced the feature motion picture, “Axe to Grind.”  “Son of Ravage” is his second novel.

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