​It was the first play I had ever written (co-written to be exact) that was ever produced. It was performed on the studio stage at Mt Hood Community College in the Winter of 1974 and ran for a total of 3 performances. It was roughly 65 minutes long (including intermission) and had a featured cast of the hammiest actors the two-year institution ever had the privilege of educating. To call it a play was a bit of an exaggeration. It was more like a series of sketches loosely tied together by a flimsy plot of a young man’s journey into the discovery of his own masculinity. Okay, okay. It was just a series of sketches.
 
Some of these sketches were as follows:
 
And overture with ab ape in a tuxedo conducting an imaginary orchestra. (Director’s commentary: I don’t care what anyone says, Apes are college comedy gold. Apes in tuxedos – money.)
 
The Birthday Party. The hero returns to his apartment accompanied by his lovely date. As he undresses in anticipation of romantic next steps, his hiding friends jump out and surprise him with a party. (Director’s commentary: Okay, not exactly Doc Simon, Woody Allen or even George S. Kaufman, but did successfully get us into the next series of sketches.) 
 
Hal 9000 and Dave. The famous computer from 2001: A Space Odyssey teaches an astronaut the fine art of joke telling. (The featured performer was a black box with a red glass eye and was featured successfully in several sketches.)
 
Debate for Planet of the Apes. Charlton Heston and a guerrilla debate over the fate of mankind. (Just more monkey business.)
 
The Hal 9000 Driving School. A very nervous driver is taught by the Kubrick’s famous computer.
 
Mickey the Procurer’s (The school forbid the use of the word pimp) A late-night commercial by a white guy who had watched entirely too much 70’s detective films and television.
 
Kathryn Coolman Crusade
 
Billy Hack: An ax wielding vet who promotes peace with every swing. (Nothing better than Community College social commentary.)
 
A music video set to Bad, Bad Leroy Brown that featured the entire cast and was filmed in a high school pinball parlor across the street from Gresham High School.
 
As amazing as this was that this “work of literary art” ever saw the light of day, it is notable as the very first faltering steps of my writing career.
 
Believe it or not Department:
 
We were invited to perform this in the downtown Portland theatre venue, Wilson Center of Performing Arts. Luckily for the venue, we declined.
 

​The year was 1977, I had just moved to Los Angeles in search of fame and fortune as an actor. I was living in a $150 one-bedroom apartment on the corner of Glen Oaks and Olive. For the record, the apartment, unlike the memories is no longer there. My telecommunication options, much like my prospects were extremely limited. There was a payphone down the street for day-to-day calls and, for career or emergencies, there was the phone of MHCC alumnae Rand Deahl who lived just up a few blocks away. Rand had actual furniture which made visiting to use the phone even more pleasant. 
 
“Faced with a mortgage and a $2,000-per-month alimony obligation as a result of his 1969 divorce, he retained a booking agent and began to support himself largely by giving college lectures and appearances at science fiction conventions. These presentations included screenings of "The Cage" and blooper reels from the production of Star Trek.” Wikipedia
 
 
Gene Roddenberry’s touring road show, The World of Star Trek” played for a single night at the Memorial Coliseum in Portland, Oregon. As stated, the show consisted of the Great Bird addressing the hundreds, showing the Star Trek pilot, The Menagerie, and a blooper reel. I was a fan of Star Trek, seen the television show episodes several times each and read the series of books by author James Blish. It was not the Who in concert or even Cat Stevens, both of which I had seen the previous year, but the Great Bird was fun waste of two hours and ten bucks.
 
Cut to Burbank California, the late fall of 1977. Whether it was a dare, or the fact that I believed I would get a job, I hiked over to Rand Deahls’ place, called the main Paramount switchboard and asked for Gene’s office. They patched me through, the Gatekeeper taking a message and I was promptly dismissed.  
 
Less than one hour later, Rand’s phone rang. “Will you hold for Mr. Roddenberry.” A moment later, the Great Bird picked up the phone. I introduced myself, lying and said that we had talked back in Portland a year or so ago and that he told me to look him up when I got to town. Whether he bought it or not, I couldn’t tell. But it was time to make a move. I took a deep breath, steadied my resolve and…
 
    “So, I was wondering if you had any job openings.”  Sure, it was bad. In truth, it may have even been worse.  I truly can’t remember what it was that I said exactly but you get the gist. I can’t remember the rest of his reply, but he managed to dodge it nicely. The rest of the conversation lasted a total of three minutes, Mr. Roddenberry informing me that he was busy working on Star Trek: Phase Two and had a pressing meeting with the set designers. 
 
So, there’s my story. Aren’t you glad you asked?
 

Slow Horses (Based on the novel by Mick Herron, written by Will Smith (not the slappy one) and Morweena Banks.) Apple TV Plus. 
 
Tune in for the mystery thriller and espionage, stay for a noteworthy Gary Oldman multiple renditions of a wet fart. Top-nothing writing, acting, action with enough flatulence to keep a younger audience riveted. I rate this series from Apple TV Plus five silent but deadly farts.
 
CB Strike (Based on the novels by Robert Galbraith aka J.K. Rowling) HBO Max
 
Try as we might, we yanks will never be able to replicate a US version of Doctor Who or a decent Americanized television version of a British Mystery. Let’s face it, we have the attention spans of a mid-sized gnat and need to balance out all that thinking with a car chase that includes William Shatner hanging on for dear life to the hood of a careering car. We’ve come close with Columbo and two out of three Law and Orders but have since reverted to Chicago theme nights.  CB Strike is the perfect anecdote for all the CSI incarnations (frankly, you’d think they’d have run out of The Who songs by now). Created by none other than Harry Potter creator and trans hating JK Rowling, this excellent series of mysteries is well constructed, and well worth your time. Based on the series of best-selling books, the showrunners manage to perfectly balance what to keep and what to leave out.  Get your British mystery on! 
 
 
The Offer (Michael Tolkin) Paramount Plus. 
 
Critics hate this show so much that it makes me wonder if I happen to be in the early stages of dementia. I have seen three episodes so far and I LOVE IT. Are the performances a bit cartoony? To that question, I offer an enthusiastic, hell yes! This miniseries from Paramount Plus could have easily been made as an animated feature in the mid-seventies by Hanna Barbera and voiced by such notables as Daws Butler, Casey Casem and Alan Reed.  Luckily for us, we’re treated to the next best thing:  Miles Teller as Albert Ruddy, Matthew Goode as Robert Evans, Dan Fogler as Francis Ford Coppola, not to mention Patrick Gallo as Mario Puzo. But it is the The scenery chewing performance of Giovanni Ribisi as Joe Columbo that is the icing on the cake of this masterpiece. Fuck the critics, this is truly must see streaming TV.