​And the posts get shorter, and shorter, and shorter. First, sorry about that but 10 months of quarantine will do that to a guy. How was your Thanksgiving? This year, the Linde’s cooked their bird on the new Traeger smoker. A mixed year of many reasons to feel blessed with still many more reasons to remain pissed off. While we do set time aside every year to talk ponder what we are thankful about, I believe it’s high time we gather around my old website and talk about some of the things that just piss us off. Don’t be shy. Hell, I’ll even start.
 
Pissgiving 2020
 
Top of the list has to be this pandemic. Preventable, no. Foreseeable and then ignored? Most definitely While we’re at it, lets all give piss to those who won’t wear a mask because it infringes on their personal freedoms. These are the very same people who once they have the disease, going on the news and telling everyone how wrong they were so that they will be first in line for a ventilator.
 
Piss off to Republicans who are liars, sycophants and possible traitors. Yes, you heard me, fucking traitors. Supporting one single person for one agenda and ignoring everything else that put the entire country at risk. Special Pissgivings to the skinhead enforcement officials who jumped at the chance to play Nazi stormtrooper and beat the hell out of peaceful protestors, seniors and moms against facism. You all know who I mean
 
Religious hypocrites and My Pillow founders. When I am confronted with a killer disease, I can think of no better person to turn to hucksters and guys who prefer to watch their wives’ fuck the pool boy. It increases my faith in not only the entrepreneurial spirit but the good o’ time religion. What better ace in the hole than predicting the end of the world as we know it if you don’t vote for the orange antichrist. 
 
A very special Piss Off to climate deniers and conspiracy theorists. While Northern California continues to burn to the ground and the number of hurricanes and tornados more than double, some people would still prefer to spend their time worrying about Democratic pedophiles, pizza parlors and lizard people. Believing in lizard people is far easier than the science of global warming.
 
I realize I left out the proud boys, the racists, misogynists, homophobes and a majority of haters. You know who you are. Before the pandemic today used to be small business Saturday. Well, because you all won’t wear a mask and have a desire to fly across the country making a very bad situation worse, I hereby declare this day November 28 to be Pissgiving 2020.
 
Maybe it will be cancelled next year. Somehow, I doubt it.

“Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, goodbye."
Gary DeCarlo
 
This President is harder to get rid of than a world-wide pandemic. Bless his heart, he really doesm’t want to go. He reminds of my six-year-old daughter when Lion King was over and it was time to leave the parking lot. She screamed and cried it looked like kidnapping. Someone should send him a “If you love something, set it free,” embroidery kit. I mean he obviously has free time on his hands. It will give him something to do when he is not Twittering.
 
It has been all over the news but I do think it is worth calling out the Rudy G melt down. Honestly dude, I haven’t seen that much face paint since Circe Du Soeleil  award-winning performance of  Idiote.
 
On a lighter note, I finally got off my ass and joined Q. Some join for the Lizard People, some for the pizza. I joined for sheer exclusiveness of all those involved. In the words of the DJ Trump, “there are some fine individuals on all sides of that organization.” Jesus. I recall a simpler time when conspiracy actually attempted to cleaver. When if you merely had to rearrange the name of Henry Kissenger, adding up all the numbers and dividing it by pi, to uncover that he was the actual anti-Christ. Or, when the Queen of England was a drug pusher. Oh, the good ol’ days.
 
Okay, really switching some gears here so cover your ears from the grinding halt and u-turn. Have a couple of podcasts coming up which may be of interest to you. One will be recorded in December. Live from Arkansas, Tommy Hancock’s Pulped! And the other is called The Story Tellers from Vahalla Books. I listened to Tommy’s just last week and his knowledge on the genre of pulp stories of all kinds knows no limits.

In closing, I will leave you with this.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!

​“Oh, what a feeling
When we're dancing on the ceiling!”
--Lionel Richie.

As true today as it was in 1986.

I continue to celebrate knowing full well that someone’s not able to indulge in his signature YMCA dance moves. In fact, he is most likely continuing to squirm in his dark hole, muttering to himself much like Gollum.

“They stole it, my precious. They tooks it from me and I needs to back so I don’t go to jail.”

This week was not without its share of stress but it did provide a few hearty laughs. Rudy in front of the Four Seasons…Landscaping provided much needed entertainment as well as the fake news reporting of still more White House Covid Staff infections from another Super Spreader Victory Party in the middle of the night where victory was declared. All of this was topped off on Friday with DJT himself emerging out of the bunker and the sunlight with a fresh crop of white, wispy hair along with a new set of allegations. I can only imagine that he has been spending most of his time with repeated viewings of the Kevin Hart/Will Farrell preparing for prison movie, GET HARD. It is the Christmas season and sometime soon we should see the naughty and who’s nice list of Presidential Pardons. Gee, I wonder who will make the top of the list?

And shooting to #1 with a bullet, the orange ass-wipe, 45 himself!

Meanwhile, William Barr is swinging away like it’s Kent State in 1966, kicking ass and taking down cherished institutions like the Justice Department staying out of investigating free and fair elections. Who needs Russia when you have this Baby Huey of a henchman doing your dirty work? Peaceful Protestors in your way? Not for long, you anarchist dickwads. Let me call out the military and clear that shit out. Meanwhile, Law firms are ditching the presidential cause quicker than rats from the Lusitania. I understand some of them might not even get paid. Gee, that’s a surprise. Maybe they should have thought about that when they accepted a fool for a client.

Then there is that brilliant thinker and historian, Alabama Republican Tommy Tuberville who claimed that World War 2 was waged to fight Socialism. Not to mention his version of the three branches of government.

“You know, the House, the Senate, and the executive.”

Jesus, were these waterheads too busy fucking their cousins to attend 6th grade? I’m not asking for a friend, I asking on behalf of an entire country.

Okay, until next week, I leave with a bit of the happiness we all shared last Saturday. Enjoy!

​As a public service, I thought it my duty to deliver the subtext of our President, Donald J. Trump’s, last press conference of November 5, 2020. For the sake of accuracy, I have included all of the subtext word for word and only presented it in all CAPS when insisted by the President.

“(Opening three-ring Presidential binder)

Good afternoon. I can’t go to prison. Perhaps that has not been made apparent by the countless books, the DA of New York and all of the fine people, lawyers and investigators that I have fired in the last four years. I would not do well in prison, even one of those Federal ones with the tennis courts. Suburban women may not like me, but convicted felons are not fond of me either. In fact, I think they would take great pleasure in hating me and this causes me great distress. The prison system as it exists today frowns on the use of adult diapers. Did I happen to mention that? They hate they bigly. All of the guards and my fellow cons will make fun of me just like they did in military school and that would be unacceptable. I’m just saying this as a reference point as to why I am protesting so vehemently about not winning this election.

Did I mention Deutsche Bank? They are moving me on me like a bitch, threatening to foreclose on my billions of dollars of loans. If I remain President, I don’t have to pay those loans, Maybe I will die in office and all that debt will fall on my kinds, Donnie Jr and Eric. I hear the Adderall you get in prison has been cut down. I need my Adderall to have a kick, you know? I get mine from my own physician in the White House. It’s great shit, man. I hear will have to share a doctor with all my fellow inmates and that scares me, man.

Did you ever see Escape at Dannemora on Amazon Prime? I get the streaming service free at the White House. That movie fucked me up, man. Prison is a nasty place. Although they do have cough syrup cocktails that look pretty tasty. And they also have a tailor shop. I did not know that.

In closing, I will sum up. I can’t lose this election and go to prison. I owe lots of money to some bad-ass people and the minute I step out of the White House, the shit will hit the fan. Seriously, I am not lying for once. Some Russian crime boss could even kill me. And I don’t trust the Saudi’s. Sure, they’d be all friendly at first, Hey, Mr. Ex-President, come live with us. And, I’m like sure, why not? Then one day, they invite me over for couscous
(slicing a forefinger across his throat) and that’s all she wrote. (Closing his binder) Thank you.”