Warner Brothers announced this week that they will give Tolkien’s beloved Lord of the Rings property the DC treatment this week.  What does this mean? You can assume The Rock will not be involved, and we will get some very original filmmaking. You know, like, Shazam and Wonder Woman 1985. Future titles include:
 
Tom Bombadil (and his yellow boots)
 
The Dogs of Farmer Maggot 
 
A Cheers-like television situation comedy, The Prancing Pony. 
 
Treebeard vs. Old Man Willow
 
Young Saruman
 
Which of course, will lead to a billion-dollar mash-up every five years:
 
Masters of the Third Age (Treebeard, Farmer Maggots Dog’s, Tom Bombadil (and his boots of yellow), and all the ladies from Eighty for Brady team up to battle young Sauron and the Dunlending wild men.
 
As you can see, there are endless story possibilities to transform this franchise and turn it into a slot machine.

Every great personality has a quote they are famous for.
 
W.C. Fields has a lot:
 
“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”
 
“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
 
Groucho was extremely good at it.
 
“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.”
 
Dorothy Parker, seated at, or under, the Algonquin Round Table, managed to fire off more than her share of classics. Here are two of her greatest hits.
 
“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”
 
“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”
 
My point is this. I have been using the entirety of my free time, thinking of award-winning quotes. This takes my mind off of more important matters and frees it wander the length and breadth of my limited imagination and vocabulary.
 
Fans of the movie Axe to Grind, were treated to one of my own classics.
 
“There ain’t no crazy like California crazy.”
 
See. It’s not so hard. Here’s one I came up with today.
 
“If it ain’t all-consuming, it ain’t show business.” 
 
As you can see, I prefer to use the word ain’t whenever possible. It goes with the whole limited vocabulary thing. Okay, you give it a try.
 
All entries must be postmarked by March 18. Send $10.00 entry fee ( I learned this from screenwriting competitions) along with your quote to:
                              Krazy Quotes
                              PO Box 1000019
                              Washinton, DC
 
Winners will be judged by originality, the use of the word ain’t and, most importantly, their $10.00. Winning quotes will be displayed on a door mat.

Or… I Am So Close…
 
Or. Horseshoes and Hand Grenades
 
I, my friends, am still waiting. It’s like Waiting for Godot. But instead of Vladimir and Estragon, we have me (without eyebrows), an agent, and several production companies. But the plot remains the same. You, my audience can be Estragon who listens patiently as I prattle on about my career and the loss of my eyebrows.
 
Maybe I am getting too literary here. How about a different analogy? I sit at a bus stop, waiting patiently for a bus that may never come. If you have ever taken the bus, you know full well what I am talking about. You believe the bus is on its way, but this is life, and all sorts of things can happen to it before it reaches your stop.
 
Tom Petty once said:
 
“The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part.”
 
I wish I could tell you something that would make it all easier. But this is what we want to do more than anything else. I know that the more faith you put in the fact that a bus is on its way, the more disappointed you are when it never arrives. 
 
 
Little known facts: 
 
Eyebrows do not grow back.
 
There is always another bus.

I am not good at waiting, especially when a potential deal is at stake. I obsess non-stop, have a hard time sleeping, crave fatty foods and sugary treats, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. We have chatted about it before. How it is essential to be working on other projects, the importance of taking leisurely and relaxing walks, taking on new hobbies such as learning to strum on the guitar. So, with all that being said, what am I personally doing right now as I await word? 
 
I am watching the hairs of my left eyebrow fall out. No shit. It’s an actual thing. People can go bald in the eyebrows. Now, for the record, and to be quite scientific, there are other reasons for male pattern eyebrow baldness. Age (certainly qualify there), autoimmune diseases, skin conditions (maybe), and even stress.
 
Now, before I order some William Shatner for my eyebrows, or go online with the fine people of Hims, let’s get something straight. I love my eyebrows. Currently, I am sporting little blonde, okay white and brown, Hitler mustaches up there, most likely causing quite a stir in my Zoom meetings. 
 
There are a few possible solutions. Here are but a few.
 
Hair extensions for my eyebrows.
 
Eyebrow plugs
 
or...Drawing them on Like Joe Pesci in J.F.K.
 
The answer?
 
Unfortunately, there is none. We chose this path and it is something that if we are lucky enough, we may all have to deal with. You heard me. If someone is considering what you do, consider yourself lucky. Someone (and this is usually a company), is actually thinking of paying you money for something you created out of nothing. 

Or you can go full number 4. It's entirely up to you.