Thanks for stopping by! Only a couple of more weeks until a new year and all new opportunities. I have been posting now for almost a year and it has all gone by pretty damn fast. Thank you to everyone who has stopped by the site to take a look. A special thanks to a few of the guests who have visited as well. Mark Verheiden, Tadd Galusha, Dwayne Epstein and Pacia Linde, you are all tops in my books! Here’s to a great new year with new posts and maybe a few new writing jobs…for all of us!
 
And now, the thrilling conclusion of The Mystery of the Cape Cod Treatment.
 
The unsigned check appeared to be only a minor setback. All that was needed was a quick call to my agent to get that all settled. I was a bit taken aback when I was basically told to call the producer myself. Well, so much for representation. I sucked it up and called. The producer apologized profusely, and I was assured a new and signed check was now in the mail. I was back in business. The 81/2 by 13 yellow legal pads were thrown into the backpack and I raced off to my writing haunt in downtown Portland, the Coffee Ritz.
 
Since I was not really a typist back then…didn’t even own a typewriter, I contacted a friend who agreed to a $100.00 payment to type my opus up. He kept me waiting a few extra weeks, but eventually finished the job and turned the pages back over to me. 
 
Perhaps it was my enthusiasm that blinded me to my lack of competence. To be honest, I’m not sure. But when I realized that the 60-page treatment I had managed to come up with was completely devoid of tone, theme, characterization and general ability, I knew I was in trouble. Not matter, I assured myself. It will all look much better when I pay someone to type it all us. One hundred dollars in hand, I delivered my masterpiece to a friend and he went to work, taking over two months to deliver the goods. When I finally received the pages, I was relieved to find that indeed, the treatment did look more professional. What it lacked in skill, it more than made for with an excellent looking title page. As you can guess, the body of the work was, eh, how to I put this politely, long, rambling and a mess. Armed with this, eh, manuscript, I stuffed it all in an envelope and sent it off to New York. The arranged deal was that I would receive the 2nd payment upon delivery. All told, a total of two weeks would be sufficient before once again, I would be a thousandaire.
 

​Back in the early eighties, there were precious few resources on how to write a film treatment. The ones you did find, seemed to be of differing opinions on style and substance. Some instructed to go long, while others insisted on keeping it short and brief. All of this did not matter to me as I either did not read them at all or simply didn’t pay any attention. Obviously, what I turned in was not very good and the end result was I never heard from that Producer again. As well as I can recollect, I don’t believe I even reached out to see if the producer received it. In the period of the two weeks, I had come to the realization that I did not have the talent or knowledge to tackle such a project. I guess on the positive side, the production company folded shortly after I submitted my work. I often wonder if I had something to do with sending an already teetering company over the edge. Likewise, Manhattan Artists is no longer an Agency (Literary or otherwise.) I’m only left with a copy of the contract and the notorious unsigned check. I don’t know, but from what was learned, I say it has all been worth it.

We have another very special guest next week. Friend, mentor and an all-around fantastic writer, Dan Sanders will be dropping by with some insights on Martin Scorsese’s “The Irishman.” There’s only one writer I could think of to tackle this subject and that’s him. But don’t take my word for it. Check out his bio. 
 
Dan Sanders broke into screenwriting on weekly retainer for a man who was considered, in the late Twentieth Century, the undisputed Sleaziest Producer in Hollywood. This man only shot his films overseas and took the passports of anyone he hired for these foreign shoots – so his employees could not leave until final wrap. Deeply PTSD’d by this foray into white slavery filmmaking, Dan did penance in the following years by writing for the BBC and PBS. In recent years he has written for Lifetime Television on a number of projects, currently on one of their patented Christmas films. In the mid-2000s he took a break from writing to play Michael Jackson’s lawyer for five months on a series that was seen in over 100 countries; he still gets mail from a surprising number of overseas King of Pop fans who think he was really MJ’s lawyer. Other current writing projects include a digital feature that will star young comedy and music influencers, and a limited series based on one of the great pillars of the entire science fiction genre – once the rights-holding studio finally fires that Head of TV Production. (Given that their stock’s current value rating is “Charmin,” it should be any day now.) Dan holds an MFA in drama from the University of California-Irvine because he knew he’d better go for the sure money in this hard-old world. He is a longtime resident of Santa Monica.

Next Week: A review of "The Irishman" by Dan Sanders.
 

​Welcome back! We’ve done a bit of holiday decorating and set up the Linde Christmas tree. All of the presents shown above are available physically and digitally (save for my appearances on Comedy Club Network which are digital only). Order early and beat the Christmas rush.
 
And now back to our regularly scheduled blog. The Mystery of the Cape Cod Treatment (Part 2).
 
The pay had been negotiated, half now and half upon completion of the project. Before I had even signed the contract, I hurried over to Powell’s City of Books, in Portland, OR, and purchased a copy of Phoebe Atwood Taylor’s novel. I immediately ripped out the spine and copied each page onto an 8 ½ by 11-sized page so that I would have plenty of room to take notes.
 
I read somewhere when adapting a book to screenplay, you read the material several times. First time is to get an overall idea of what you’re dealing with. Each subsequent read is used to determine what must be kept to keep the story moving along with any bits of pieces that you feel make the novel what it is. Supposedly, you accomplish all this with aid of several colored felt-tip pens. Check. So far, so good. 
 
I read the book three times the first day. To be honest, and I am going completely from memory here, there was nothing that made the material stand out in my eyes. I was familiar enough with the formula, also very familiar with the type of reader this type of material appeals to. The question seemed to be; how do I adapt the work for a modern audience? Perhaps too quickly, I settled on quirky.

​Hitchcock’s “TROUBLE WITH HARRY” immediately came to mind as far as tone and style. There is a definite New England style of laid-back humor to the material which I believed would work for Tavern. I saw the characters of Asey Mayo, a sort of Jimmy Stewart detective everyman and Eve Prence as a fussy middle-aged Nora Charles. The interplay between the two older protagonists could be challenging and fun. 
 

​Now, all of the above I knew. What I did not know was how to successfully convey all of this into a precise and well-written treatment. It should also be noted that even though I had a word processor of sorts (more about that later), I did not really know how to type.  So, there you have it. A would-be writer who was a hunt and pecker with more ambition than brains writing a story that most definitely required more than a rudimentary skill to carry it all off. Sometimes you tackle something with no expertise, and it comes out much better than expected. Other times, well, this is my story. More about that later. 
 
After I had dug-in to the point of being sufficiently overwhelmed, I received my first check from the production company. And, guess what? After weeks of waiting, the check was not signed. 

To be continued...

​Happy day after Black Friday. It is my hope that none of you had to experience lining up in front of a Walmart before the super sale began. A brain concussion and severe blood loss is not worth a 50-inch flat-screen television. I don’t even know what the latest hot Christmas commodity worth killing yourselves is.  Oh, yeah, now I remember!  SON OF RAVAGE the first edition. The good news is that you don’t have line-up early on Black Friday at Walmart. You can just as easily get up early and order it online…from Walmart! I’m not sure why there is no picture of the book, but here is the proof. If you need something to brawl about, why not that?

​And now, return with me to the thrilling writing adventures of yesteryear.  Here is this week’s blog, The Mystery of the Cape Cod Treatment, Part 1.
 
Okay, the year was 1986 and I was hot off the success of my first option, “The Touristers.” The world was my oyster. I was a movie writer, had representation with the prestigious east coast literary agency, Manhattan Artists. My agent, a gentleman by the name of Russ Kiester, (nice name change, eh?) was on the case. My star was most definitely on the rise.
 
Apparently, my script had been making the rounds in New York where it stumbled into the hands of a producer who owned the rights to the Asey Mayo murder Mysteries. She had secured the rights to the first book, “The Mystery at the Cape Cod Tavern” as a starring vehicle for her friend, star, and mother to Mia Farrow, Maureen O’ Sullivan. The producer, after reading my original screenplay, “The Touristers,” had decided that I was just the writer to bring these sophisticated and distinct New England characters to the big screen. Who was I to disagree?

Now, it is very important to keep in mind, I doubt I had even read a 30’s Agatha Christie type mystery, let alone seen a film treatment of one. Oh, I had read Sherlock Holmes and, as far as 30’s fiction, had immersed myself thoroughly in the hijinks of the Nazi sympathizer P.G Wodehouse. But, in all honesty, I had never heard of Asey Mayo. I was, however, familiar with this old Hollywood actor adage, if you’re auditioning for a cowboy and a producer asks you if ride a horse, you say you ride a horse. I thought it was the same for writing. I never knew how wrong I could be. 
 
To whet your appetite and to prove this literary property really does exist, here is the Wikipedia entry for Phoebe Atwood Taylor’s, “The Mystery of the Cape Cod Tavern.” 
 
Eve Prence is the glamorous and publicity-seeking owner of the famous Cape Cod Tavern, and uses her publicity to keep the Tavern filled with famous and/or wealthy guests. She has a house-full the night she's found at the bottom of the grand staircase, claiming somebody had tried to kill her. The following day, she is found with a knife in her ribs. Asey Mayo, the Codfish Sherlock, must work out the meaning of clues like a pair of antique pistols that contain a pair of antique daggers, and what exactly the blind boy on the scene of the crime heard, and a pair of dirty indentations on a windowsill before bringing home the crime to a surprising figure.
 
Well, we’ve now established that the stakes are high, the movie star is real, and this writer clearly does not know what he is doing. Sounds like great story elements for the next blog.

​The holiday season is officially here and what better way to celebrate than gathering the entire family around the hearth and reading from J.P. Linde’s epic adventure, SON OF RAVAGE. Available at Amazon and Independent Book Stores everywhere, ring out the same lame old adventure stories and celebrate the new with Barry and his friends, Doc, Brain, Face and Beast. There are only 32 days until Christmas, so consider yourself warned.
 
How is that for selfless promotion? Just remember, purchasing your copy ensures that jplinde.com remains opens for business. 
 
After struggling to find a suitable subject for this week before Thanksgiving, I thought I would settle on catching up on some odds and ends. 
 
Books: Just finished James Baldwins excellent 1956 novel “Giovanni’s Room” and am now moving on to “Station 11” by Emily St. John Mandel. I will keep you posted on the latter. But,if you love traveling bands of Shakespearean actors in an apocalyptic world, you will love this! There is so much good television out there, I don’t know where to start. I have to say that I came to “Fleabag” late in the game but think it is two seasons of the best series on television. We got final season of “The Good Place,” along with “Riverdale,” “Jack Ryan,” Season 2, “The Deuce” Season Three, “The Kominski Method,” “The Crown,” and list goes on and on, and on…  We may never get caught up. Favorite movies so far this year, is “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood,” “Captain Marvel” and “Booksmart.” I know. I know.  I have not seen “The Joker” yet but will shortly. I promise. Least favorite eh, uh, it is all such a blur, but going with “Late Night” just because.

Oh, along with “WTF with Mark Maron,” I have a few new favorite podcasts that I listen to. “My Favorite Murder” hosted by hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. How can you not love a podcast where their catchphrase is “Stay sexy and don’t get murdered.” True crime has never been so much fun.  The other podcast is “You Must Remember This, hosted by Karina Longworth. Karina’s bag is true stories from the golden days of Hollywood and her podcasts are truly addictive. Finally, the mighty podcast that could, “Stop Me if You’ve Heard This,” with Pacific Northwest comedy legends Susan Rice and Art Krug. Join them for their tales from their years on the road and their fantastic interviews with comedian guests such as Brad Upton, Geoff Young, Tom McTigue, Cathy Ladman, Dwight Slade, and on and on and on. Oh, and don’t forget me. Great stuff! 
 
Along with the sequel to Barry and his friends, have several writing projects in the pipe. I should be able to share one or two of them with you very shortly. Due to severe winds, PG&E is cutting the power again for all of us lucky enough to live in Sonoma County. By the time this is up, the threat of fire will be over. Just hoping that everyone gets through it. Who said there is no climate change? Oh, yeah, right, the oil, coat industries and most of the new Republican Party.
 
Don’t be afraid to leave a comment or thought or question on the site. We welcome all. Even climate deniers. The only unwelcome guests are the mysterious Russian bots that only seem to be interested in erectile dysfunction.

​Have a great week!  

​Welcome back!
 
Trust you are all having a lovely Fall. To tell the truth, reliving the whole Wiley Bowman escapade on jplinde.com nearly took it all out of me. Luckily, a nice writing check came in and I feel a little bit better about this whole writing thing.
 
With that in mind, I think it’s high time we celebrate and clear our little blog pallet of Willy Bowman with one of my signature top five lists. What do you say? You up for it? Great. Then let’s get started.
 
Top Five Hair Products for Thinning and Receding Hair. And, here we go…
 
Eh, maybe I should pick something a little closer to our theme here at jplinde.com. Did you know that we had a theme? I am just not entirely sure of what it is but… Okay, here we go.

Top Five Hairstyles for the late Peter Lawford. 

Okay, it's not that great a list. Besides, I think there were only two hairstyles for the part time actor and crime scene spoiler (with or without cigarette).

Okay, here we go, I think I got it. TOP JAMES BOND MOVIE GUN BARRELS.
 
5. Believe it or not, the worst gun barrel sequences were by one of my favorite Bonds, Sean Connery. Connery took control of the sequence starting in “Thunderball” and finished up with “Diamonds are Forever.” It may even be the same sequence used for all three films. In my mind, the wobbly back leg spoils it.

​3. Roger Moore (suit only). I enjoy the early Roger Moore gun barrels before he decided to change into a dinner jacket. It is a shame that he never really fired the gun in either sequence as the actor had a habit of closing his eyes whenever he pulled the trigger.

​2. Daniel Craig. Always the bad ass. From “Casino Royale” to “Spectre,” Craig has delivered a consistent gun barrel that oozed both confidence and a familiarity with his weapon. The best of the lot is his first in the pre title sequence of Casino.
 

​Drumroll please. And the number one gun barrel sequence, from an Eon Production of a James Bond movie, goes to George Lazenby in “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service!  Mixing it up a bit by going down on one knee, this oft belittled Bond not only happens to appear in the best movie of the entire series but executes the signature sequence with both bravado and swagger, two trademarks of a perfect Bond.

​Okay, I think our collective pallets have been cleansed. We will be back in the coming weeks with some new news, interviews and maybe even a list or two. I am currently working on a beauty, Top 3 “Pitch Perfect” movies and why. Can’t wait.
 

​Did I mention that Wiley’s rewrite of “Baja Adventure” (previously known as “The Touristers,”) sucked balls? What was once a comedy about mismatched tourists on a RV excursion to Baja had now become a dark thriller about drug running. At least all the legal advice I was receiving was consistent. With Wiley Bowman at the helm, “Baja Adventure” would never get made. Just wait out your option and the property will once again revert back to you.

The concert promotor who had agreed to raise production funds proved to be quite the con herself. In doing a bit of research, I found that her company had a profile on a website known as “The Rip-Off Report.” Seems some investor had not been paid back and was suing in court. So much for the dream investor. Like rats deserting a sinking ship, the rest of the crew and cast departed, leaving Wiley alone with his project. Before he could quit, Wiley fired the director and announced that he would be helming the picture himself.

After the extremely painful wait of two additional years for the terms of the option to expire, I sent a registered letter to Wiley informing him that I was reclaiming ownership of my work and that was that. Seems easy enough, right? Not so fast, little buckaroos. Wiley was incensed and was not going down without a fight. Mr. Bowman immediately filed Writer’s Guild paperwork along with submitting a copyright application over the material. Luckily, I had a copyright predating his by over twenty years. Wiley’s legal argument was my copyright was for what I had written all those years ago. Again, I went to the the lawyers and again they answered, he will never get any movie, let alone mine, made. Bullshit! I was not having it. This was my material and I would protect it with my dying breath.

​Here are some little-known facts to consider before I continue. Did you know that a copyright is just a piece of paper and if someone does infringe on your work, it can still be challenged? As I was told, you’d probably win but how much is it going to cost you? Something else to consider, the office of copyrights can only do so much. It did not help Wiley’s case when he refused to answer the copyright’s questions regarding his claim to own previously copyrighted material. Still when it was announced on GoFundMe that Wiley was seeking funds for “Baja Adventure” the emptiness in the pit of my stomach returned. Was this ever going to end? I began to doubt it. To my relief, not one person donated a dime to Wiley’s directorial debut.
 

Hollywood memory is relatively short. Years have passed since the saga of Wiley Bowman concluded. The industry stink that was once so associated with the project has finally faded. I have made a film and rewritten others. I continue to get work in the film industry and have learned to never sign anything without first consulting a lawyer. And still the question remains, if my version of “The Touristers” ever gets made, will Wiley magically reappear and demand payment? Looking on the bright side, the whole shit show made me a smarter.
 
“On March 12th, trial was held in Department 98, Superior Court of the State of California, in and for the County of Los Angeles. In a moment the results of that trial.”
 
Just wishful thinking on my part. But I would’ve loved to post a picture of Wiley Bowman along with the above “Dragnet” narration. 
 
Before we say goodbye, I think it is only fitting that I feature a direct quote from Wiley Bowman’s LinkedIn profile: 
 
“Available for your casting needs, for small or big budget films, short film, music video and more. You can count on us to read the screenplay and make a breakdown that fits. Then we will per screen actors and actress for the lead and supporting roles and we have the right connection to proved extra for your project as well.”
 
I think the above speaks for itself. At any rate, I am glad he still keeps a toe in the business. Oh, by the way, besides being a movie producer and director, Wiley is also a photographer. 
​
A comedian, a fashion photographer and sells real estate. 
 
Looking forward to seeing you all next week. 

​Seems like it was only yesterday when I announced that I’d be taking a break for a couple of weeks. Well, I’m back. Had a wonderful time collaborating with Top Knot Films. It was a lot of work and I can’t wait to tell you all about it.

 
A lot has happened over the last two weeks and I wanted to make sure I sent out a special THANK YOU to all of the brave men and women of CAL FIRE, working tirelessly in both South CA and here to keep property and people safe. We came extremely close to losing the Linde Hacienda and we are very grateful for those who risked their lives to save our little neighborhood

​In the meantime, sit back and relax and I will regale you with another installment from the fucked-up saga of Wiley Bowman.
 
Although we never signed a formal contract, Wiley and I had our signatures firmly affixed to a deal memo that promised me the world if “The Touristers” ever got off the ground. A meeting in Beverly Hills Talent Agency was on the books and I immediately loaded up the car for the thousand-mile drive to Los Angeles. I arrived the very next day at the prestigious Beverly Hills Agency 13th floor lobby. Waiting in the lobby was everyone ever associated with Wiley and the project. Not only were the director and the cinematographer present, but the ENTIRE crew was waiting in the small reception area. What the fuck is going on, I asked myself as we were led into the conference room. Wiley was late and, for the first time, I suspected that I was not the only one in the room being conned. When Wiley did show up, he was met by the agent and the rest of us with cold, icy stares. The director and I quietly excused ourselves and we left, leaving Wiley alone to explain himself.

(The Touristers Budget)

​​It’s a remarkable feeling being conned. You want so much to believe that you managed to a script in development that you repeatedly ignore the warning signs. Well, this warning sign was just too big to ignore. I confronted Wiley and he was surprisingly apologetic. “I’m just so proud of the work of all of you,” he attempted to explain contritely. But I was not having it and was now officially biding my time until the option would be over.
 
Sensing I was about to move on, Wiley was very insistent on getting my signature on a more formal agreement. I was reticent, having just undergone the ordeal of the Beverly Hills Agency. We were at loggerheads. Enter a concert producer from Texas and the promise of funding. She looked like she knew what she was doing, had some experience in promotion and motion pictures and was currently promoting concerts in large to midsize venues in Texas. She was smart, intuitive and very anxious. Wiley insisted that we would have the money within the next few weeks, but I had to have my signature on a more formal option agreement. At one point, he even said, I can’t pay you until you sign. What can I say, friends, I signed. 

(A cast member's deal memo)

​As an extra added bonus, along with my signed copy of the contract, I received Wiley’s complete rewrite of the entire script. The title of the project had transformed seemingly overnight to “Baja Adventure,” and Wiley had given himself full writing credit. The script had been turned from a 100-page comedy to a drug-running thriller. I had been had and was now trapped in a 2-year option agreement with a man I could no longer trust.
 
The final installment next week.

In the meantime, watch one of the greatest documentaries of this year, “Abducted in Plain Sight.” ​

Now, back to your regularly scheduled blog post. 
 
A Hooker’s Praise: The Ballad of Wiley Bowman Pt 2
 
Decades ago, I was at a strip club. As our party filed in, my bachelor party compatriots were immediately greeted with seductive compliments in hopes of being lured off into the back room for expensive table dances. The practical stripper who approached me, looked me over thoroughly and, after careful contemplation, could only manage to come up with, “Nice glasses.” 
What can I say? I’m a sucker for complements, whenever I am lucky enough to stumble upon one.
 
The call came after work. I was in downtown Portland coffee shop and the voice on the other end of the line was laid back, confident, smooth as a perfectly aged scotch and extremely complimentary. His name was Wiley Bowman Jr and he promptly reported that during his reading of my script, he laughed so hard that he had to immediately talk to the writer. Needless to say, it had been an extremely long time since I had received a literary compliment and, like the nice glasses line (which happened to work by the way), I had been smitten with the promise of a revived career. We chatted for a several minutes, Wiley reporting that he was casting another project but would get back to me soon. 
 
Things happened rather quickly from here. A deal memo was signed, and Wiley started assembling his crew. Keep in mind, all signed had at least one foot into the business we call show and knew a thing or two about getting movies made. There was a Producer, a Director of Photography and a Stunt Coordinator. While not heavyweights in the industry, these were individuals with produced work and solid resumes. 
 
WARNING #1 No money had exchanged hands, and all of the major players in this story were waiting until funding had been secured. 
 
In a matter of couple months, several other people signed on and a series of auditions were announced. These auditions took place in LA and were videotaped for prosperity. I still have a copy. Some of the faces of the hopefuls are even recognizable from film and television (twenty years ago). But why the hell shouldn’t they be? We were a speeding train, on the fast-track of successful independent filmmaking. How could we not succeed?
 
Keep in mind, all this happened without a single penny. Wiley believed he could round up his crew, his supporting cast and lure some upper grade talent from the major agencies and then proceed and get all the funding he needed. From where? Only he seemed to know. But he was confident as hell about it. So, there’s that.  
 
In going over the research material for this blog, I am struck by how far Wiley got with his plan. Not only did he have a crew and some of the cast, he also had a budget worked out. 
 
If it sounds too good to be true, it usually is. But I wanted this so bad, I refused to look at the whole situation realistically. Independent filmmaking is guerilla anyway. How was anyone to know what the rules really were. Wasn’t that the point? You make them up as you go along. Do anything just to get the project off the ground?
 
When it came down to casting leads, Wiley wooed one of the top agencies in LA and managed to sign some significant names to deal memos. 
 
Not only had he gotten through the door, he had been invited to the top floor for a meeting. Wiley told everyone involved that he was close to finalizing this whole deal. All he needed was to sign the leads and the financial backers would be lined up outside his door. The meeting was scheduled at the Beverly Hills Agency and Wiley requested that a few of the key players be there. I remember asking him, “we’re close, aren’t we?” He assured me we were very near the finish line. I, ever the optimist, announced in FB that I was going to be famous. The next day, I jumped in my car and drove the 1,100 miles to Beverly Hills.
 

The view from Beverly Hills

To be continued (in a few weeks)

Art by Tadd Galusha

​We had finally turned the corner on the millennium, I was back in Portland and had not heard so much as a peep from anyone in the film industry. I had exhausted most of my contacts, managing to piss off the few good leads left in the entire City of Angels. The year was 2003 and I felt my only course of career action was to start from scratch, this time revisiting some of the older material in my portfolio in hopes of reworking into a commercially viable candidate. The screenplay I chose, “The Touristers.” 
 
A bit of historical perspective is in order. “The Touristers” was the second of my stories to generate a small bit of, eh, Hollywood heat. The logline for this masterpiece is as follows:
 
Leading a caravan of RVs, filled with a riotous assortment of tourists, through Baja is not the relaxing vacation, middle-aged gym teacher Marion C. Carlson hankers for.  His rebellious, high-spirited teen daughter, Carolyn, and his mutinous "Touristers" are the least of his worries.  South of the border, Carlson incurs the wrath of a bloodthirsty tribe of outlaw bikers and circling the wagons may be a classic western case of too little, too late.
 
Back in the day,“The Touristers” was represented by an East Coast agency, Manhattan Artists, and optioned for $1000.00 by none other than John Ratzenberger (Cliff, the mailman on the hit NBC show “Cheers”). I know, right? It was the early eighties and I was naive enough to think my stellar career as a Hollywood screenwriter was only just beginning. Reality hit when I drove the 1000 miles to LA to meet my television star benefactor, only to be literally turned away at the door. Anxious calls to my agent in New York were not returned, and it seemed that a life-long dream had stalled before it had even started.
 
Flash forward, twenty-some years later and I had reworked the script and spruced it up for a promising new decade. I thought the rewrite went well, taking the needed time necessary to flesh out some of the father/daughter relationship, tighten up some of the gags and come up with a “Magnificent 7” style opening to the story. Finally, after weeks of work, I was ready. But who would I send it to? There were only a couple of names remaining on my contact list and I was pretty sure that they had either forgotten who I was or wanted nothing to do with me. I was desperate, with only place to turn.
 
Still in its adolescence , the World Wide Web had once been a Gold Rush for screenwriters, featuring hundreds of sites where you could publish your logline, pray that it wasn’t stolen and unrealistically expect email offers and options from creatively starved and morally bankrupt producers to come pouring in. Much like the Yukon over a century ago, it did not take long for this so-called rush to exhaust itself and, over the years, most of sites dried up. I know as I spent hours desperately searching the survivors out in the Ethernet. I was about to give up entirely when I finally came upon it. One site had survived like an angry weed or persevering cockroach. The site was administered by a man named Wiley Bowman and it was called, “All Things Entertainment.”
 
A quick note about the “All Things Entertainment” website. There were plenty of simple, easy to use customizable website templates available for any wannabe webmaster. Apparently these were ignored as this website had the virtual look of Spawn Ranch shortly before Charlie Manson moved in. Never-the-less, despite the warning of inferior web design, I submitted my logline. Why not? It wasn’t like anyone else was asking for my material. I knew it for what it was, a Hail Mary. I also felt that I had all my protective and legal bases covered. The material was copyrighted and registered with the Writers Guild of America West (Several times in fact). It wasn’t like someone on the internet would ever think of ripping me off. Right?   
 
(To be Continued)

Not that I have your attention, we can get to this week's blog. 

​Fall is here and before we all leap in a decaying pile of dead vegetable matter, let’s catch up on a promise I made to all of you several months ago. In case you don’t remember, let me refresh your memory. I committed to you, my loyal readers, that I would get to the bottom of the age-old question that has been troubling mankind for over half a decade. And that question is, what the hell happened with Disney’s “John Carter?” I mean, it had an established director and had enough money thrown at it to fund a small country. It’s relatively true to the source material, Edgar Rice Burroughs “Princess of Mars,” and possesses production values that dazzled the eye. Everyone obviously wanted to create something great and instead, produced a deafening thud that rivaled some of the biggest box office disasters of modern cinema. Does it deserve all of the bad press it eventually got, probably not. But I think it’s worth at least a moment of investigation as to the all-important why.

I re-read the source material and was immediately swept away to Barsoom, Mars to the uninitiated, in a very lively story that I feel, is as well-written as any pulp/fantasy novel written. The prose of tight, energetic and Carter’s narration never gets old as he relates to his adventurous new life on the angry and mysterious red planet. Now that I have your attention, we can get to this week's real discussion.
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​I watched the movie, for the first time, only months ago and attempt to watch it once more before committing my keyboard to an empty screen of Microsoft 365. I am sorry to report, a complete second viewing of the movie never happened. Try as I might, I just couldn’t get through it. First of all, there was entirely too much time spent in the Arizona first act. All of that could have been covered in 5 minutes.  Keep in mind, I am not talking of the prologue or epilogue but only Arizona sequence. If that didn’t put the final stake into the beating heart of a great story, several other things certainly contributed. Save for all the Tharks, the cast never lived up to the characters as written by Burroughs. The story lacked pacing, and the shooting script was overlong. And, here it comes, the main reason this adaptation does not work; it’s not any fun. 
 
Burroughs’ work is a hell of a ride. He keeps the story moving, introduces situations that are so unique and imaginative that they boggle the reader’s mind. If you keep track, it’s literally one adventure spilling into the next. The author creates a world that captures the imagination and begs for a return back for other stories. Sadly, the movie lacks any of this. It is ponderous, and, as much as I hate to say it, relies too much on the source material with absolutely no life of its own.
 
Keep in mind, I wanted to like this. I wanted desperately to revisit stories I had read as a young teen. About twenty minutes in, I realized not only was I not going to get back, but I might get stuck once in for all in Arizona and never get to the adopted home of John Carter and the wily cunning of the beautiful Princess Dejah Thoris.  
 
On a positive note, if you have not done so, treat yourself to some of the animator Bob Clampett’s test footage of “John Carter” that was done in the 30s. It certainly looks like the creator of television’s “Beanie and Cecil” could have brought a much-needed sense of fun and wonder to a great work of fiction.