A Picture Worth a Thousand Passes (Zoom Pitches)

First and foremost, nobody caught me masturbating, so let’s just consider that a win. Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. But what kind of wanker whips it out during a staff meeting? Oh yeah, I remember, a New Yorker columnist.
 
Not only are we entering a new chapter of the pandemic, but discovering new ways of pitching our work through the, as Henry Rollins is fond of referring to it, internets. Ask anyone who knows me; I am not all that fluent in Zoom. For the record, I prefer skywriting or good ol’ fashioned smoke signals as a way to get my ideas out there.
 
At this juncture of my life, I not only have a face for radio but an entire essence best suited for poorly recorded podcasts. I possess the chicken neck of Roger Moore in A View to a Kill, the voice of Nick Nolte, in anything, and the jowls and general physique of Orson Welles hanging out a supermarket at all hours shopping for the best price in expired whole rotisserie chickens.
 
Not that I am any good at in-person pitches. I once had a pitch that went precisely as long as the logline. Oh, I hear you say, it could not have gone that bad. Oh, yes, it could. 
 
Other than all that, the Zoom pitch went exceptionally well, and I have to say it was because of the people I was lucky enough to meet with. They smiled at my lame attempts at humor and even chuckled at my timely reference to Paul Revere and the Raiders. It must have been the work itself because I was enthusiastically nervous, even going so far as to end it by assuring all in attendance that I was a team player and would do whatever it takes to make the project work for both the NY Production Company and the audience as well.
 
I have never pitched after a company had read my work, which threw me off my game at the very beginning. So, we ended up talking about my inspirations and the lead character. I stammered. I stumbled, but all with a smile on my face. I repeated that it was an underdog story (whatever the hell that means), and it all ended with a promise to follow up in a few weeks.
 
Their exact words were, “we are going to keep the script a few more weeks and talk about it.” I could tell the development team likes it, and the owner wanted to see the script after the initial email pitch. I guess it is up to the screenplay god’s now.
 
I will keep you posted.

(And now a few words from Rockwell.