J.P. Linde
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J.P. Linde
Writer
Thanks for stopping by. This site is a quick look at who I am, what I write, and the worlds I build. Browse around, check out the projects, and make yourself at home — the stories are just getting started.
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​J.P. Linde’s love of storytelling began unexpectedly in the sixth grade, when he convinced his male classmates that Elizabeth Montgomery — yes, the star of Bewitched — was his girlfriend. From that moment on, he’s been spinning stories people actually believe.
He’s performed in summer-stock productions of Our Town, Hot L Baltimore, and The Misanthrope — and, to everyone’s relief, managed to avoid appearing nude in Hair. One of the founding members of Portland, Oregon’s comedy scene, J.P. created the sketch and improv group No Prisoners and later took the stage with his one-person show, Casually Insane. He went on to perform stand-up professionally, making his national television debut on Showtime’s Comedy Club Network.
His original musical, Wild Space A Go Go, premiered in Portland at The Embers in 2011. Since then, he’s written five novels, including his latest, The Last Argonaut, coming soon from Reese Unlimited. On the screen side, he co-wrote the horror cult classic Axe to Grind and has collaborated with some of the top producers in film and television.
NEWS FLASH: This just in!
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BEST PULP NOVEL NOMINEE 2025
Flights of the Peregrine: The Last Argonaut

Also available:

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Where laughter meets terror, one story at a time.  Tales From the Chair!  The new comedy/horror anthology by J.P. Linde.  
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“Wry, weird, and uncomfortably human. Linde’s chair creaks under the weight of our collective nightmares.”

From Reese Unlimited
The Last Argonaut
by
J,P. Linde


​​When Nazi occultists awaken the vengeful spirit of Medea in their hunt for the Golden Fleece, the battle for world domination leaps from ancient tombs to wartime America. Standing in their way is The Peregrine—Atlanta’s masked avenger—and his daring wife, Evelyn. Together they’ll face dark magic, mystic assassins, and a prophecy written in blood. From the mean  streets of Atlanta to deep below Mount Olympus, The Last Argonaut hurtles through myth and history toward an explosive showdown between gods, monsters, and men—and the one hero destined to stand against them all.
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From J.P. Linde Media and El Dorado Press:

A desperate Wyatt Earp pursues Jack London, a boy, and a
grizzled mountain man in a race for a legendary gold mine


Fool's Gold 

The new novel from J.P. Linde
"Not only is J.P. Linde's FOOL's GOLD a barn burner of a snow western adventure tale, it's also a love story. Linde clearly loves his genre, loves creating within it and loves to keep his readers on the edge of their seat."    Richard Melo (Author of Happy Talk and Jokerman 8).
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Coming Soon:

NOIR
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 (A feature screenplay in development )
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Visionary Talent Agency
Betsy Magee (Agent)
​646-637-6044
[email protected]
Pitch materials are available upon request. Please contact me for access credentials.
anewtypeofhero.blogspot.com

A Presidential Subtext November 5th

11/7/2020

0 Comments

 
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​As a public service, I thought it my duty to deliver the subtext of our President, Donald J. Trump’s, last press conference of November 5, 2020. For the sake of accuracy, I have included all of the subtext word for word and only presented it in all CAPS when insisted by the President.

“(Opening three-ring Presidential binder)

Good afternoon. I can’t go to prison. Perhaps that has not been made apparent by the countless books, the DA of New York and all of the fine people, lawyers and investigators that I have fired in the last four years. I would not do well in prison, even one of those Federal ones with the tennis courts. Suburban women may not like me, but convicted felons are not fond of me either. In fact, I think they would take great pleasure in hating me and this causes me great distress. The prison system as it exists today frowns on the use of adult diapers. Did I happen to mention that? They hate they bigly. All of the guards and my fellow cons will make fun of me just like they did in military school and that would be unacceptable. I’m just saying this as a reference point as to why I am protesting so vehemently about not winning this election.

Did I mention Deutsche Bank? They are moving me on me like a bitch, threatening to foreclose on my billions of dollars of loans. If I remain President, I don’t have to pay those loans, Maybe I will die in office and all that debt will fall on my kinds, Donnie Jr and Eric. I hear the Adderall you get in prison has been cut down. I need my Adderall to have a kick, you know? I get mine from my own physician in the White House. It’s great shit, man. I hear will have to share a doctor with all my fellow inmates and that scares me, man.

Did you ever see Escape at Dannemora on Amazon Prime? I get the streaming service free at the White House. That movie fucked me up, man. Prison is a nasty place. Although they do have cough syrup cocktails that look pretty tasty. And they also have a tailor shop. I did not know that.

In closing, I will sum up. I can’t lose this election and go to prison. I owe lots of money to some bad-ass people and the minute I step out of the White House, the shit will hit the fan. Seriously, I am not lying for once. Some Russian crime boss could even kill me. And I don’t trust the Saudi’s. Sure, they’d be all friendly at first, Hey, Mr. Ex-President, come live with us. And, I’m like sure, why not? Then one day, they invite me over for couscous
(slicing a forefinger across his throat) and that’s all she wrote. (Closing his binder) Thank you.”
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