J.P. Linde
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J.P. Linde
Writer
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​J.P. Linde’s love of storytelling started unexpectedly when he convinced male classmates of his 6th-grade class that Elizabeth Montgomery, the star of Bewitched, was his girlfriend. Since that fateful day, J.P. Linde has worked as an actor in summer-stock productions of  Our Town, Hot L Baltimore, and The Misanthrope and, thankfully, did not appear nude during any performances of the musical Hair. He was one of the founding members of the Portland, Oregon comedy scene,  establishing the improvisational and sketch comedy group, No Prisoners, and appearing in his own one-person show, Casually Insane. He has worked as a professional stand-up comedian, making his national television debut on Showtime’s Comedy Club Network. His musical Wild Space, A Go Go, had its world premiere in Portland at The Embers in 2011.  He has written three novels. His latest,  The Last Argonaut, will be published in 2024 by Pro Se Productions. He co-wrote the horror cult classic Axe to Grind and has worked with some of the leading producers in film and television.
From J.P. Linde Media and El Dorado Press:

A desperate Wyatt Earp pursues Jack London, a boy, and a
grizzled mountain man in a race for a legendary gold mine


Fool's Gold 

The new novel from J.P. Linde
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"Not only is J.P. Linde's FOOL's GOLD a barn burner of a snow western adventure tale, it's also a love story. Linde clearly loves his genre, loves creating within it and loves to keep his readers on the edge of their seat."    Richard Melo (Author of Happy Talk and Jokerman 8).
Also by J.P. and available on 
Amazon!
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https://a.co/d/gsulDTu
"J.P. Linde has successfully delivered a novel that is both a loving homage to the pulp fiction genre and a hilarious satire of it. "
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Visionary Talent Agency
Betsy Magee (Agent)
​646-637-6044
[email protected]
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Dapper Bird Entertainment
Olga Aldama (Manager)
818-967-4041
[email protected]


anewtypeofhero.blogspot.com

A Presidential Subtext November 5th

11/7/2020

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​As a public service, I thought it my duty to deliver the subtext of our President, Donald J. Trump’s, last press conference of November 5, 2020. For the sake of accuracy, I have included all of the subtext word for word and only presented it in all CAPS when insisted by the President.

“(Opening three-ring Presidential binder)

Good afternoon. I can’t go to prison. Perhaps that has not been made apparent by the countless books, the DA of New York and all of the fine people, lawyers and investigators that I have fired in the last four years. I would not do well in prison, even one of those Federal ones with the tennis courts. Suburban women may not like me, but convicted felons are not fond of me either. In fact, I think they would take great pleasure in hating me and this causes me great distress. The prison system as it exists today frowns on the use of adult diapers. Did I happen to mention that? They hate they bigly. All of the guards and my fellow cons will make fun of me just like they did in military school and that would be unacceptable. I’m just saying this as a reference point as to why I am protesting so vehemently about not winning this election.

Did I mention Deutsche Bank? They are moving me on me like a bitch, threatening to foreclose on my billions of dollars of loans. If I remain President, I don’t have to pay those loans, Maybe I will die in office and all that debt will fall on my kinds, Donnie Jr and Eric. I hear the Adderall you get in prison has been cut down. I need my Adderall to have a kick, you know? I get mine from my own physician in the White House. It’s great shit, man. I hear will have to share a doctor with all my fellow inmates and that scares me, man.

Did you ever see Escape at Dannemora on Amazon Prime? I get the streaming service free at the White House. That movie fucked me up, man. Prison is a nasty place. Although they do have cough syrup cocktails that look pretty tasty. And they also have a tailor shop. I did not know that.

In closing, I will sum up. I can’t lose this election and go to prison. I owe lots of money to some bad-ass people and the minute I step out of the White House, the shit will hit the fan. Seriously, I am not lying for once. Some Russian crime boss could even kill me. And I don’t trust the Saudi’s. Sure, they’d be all friendly at first, Hey, Mr. Ex-President, come live with us. And, I’m like sure, why not? Then one day, they invite me over for couscous
(slicing a forefinger across his throat) and that’s all she wrote. (Closing his binder) Thank you.”
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