J.P. Linde
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J.P. Linde

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J.P. on "STOP ME IF I'VE HEARD THIS" 04/13/20
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1995: AROUND TOWN - KOIN TV (Portland Oregon)
In my brief 3 months as Entertainment Reporter, I won 16 Emmys and three Pulitzer Prizes.
You can now gift the entire J.P. Linde collection of novels and films. “SON OF RAVAGE,” “THE HOLOGRAPHIC DETECTIVE AGENCY” and, of course, the campy horror film classic “AXE TO GRIND.” All three make excellent gifts. And while you’re at it, add a couple of J.P. Linde COMEDY CLUB NETWORK appearances to your digital library. You can find all of my appearances on Amazon Prime at a very affordable price. Give the gift that will keep on giving. Get your J.P. Linde Media Bundle today!

“The most frequent side effects associated with the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are tachycardia, blurred vision, abdominal pain, and diarrhea. Decreases in appetite and rash/pruitus are also common. Those patients purchasing the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are at risk for developing extrapyramidal symptoms, including dystonia, parkinsonism, and restlessness, in addition to neuroleptic malignant syndrome and tardive dyskinesia. In some cases, The J.P. Linde Media Bundle can cause hyperprolactinemia, orthostatic hypotension, leucopenia, seizures, and the potential for suicide. As with most atypical antipsychotics, metabolic changes such as weight gain and hyperglycemia are also possible”

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"Just think about this, Richard."

2/26/2022

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As the world rapidly escalates to WW3, its’ more than reasonable to ask yourself, how much time does humanity have left? It’s a great question and I find myself asking it all the time. The question is, what will be the exact reason for our demise. We have so many options to choose from. Will it be climate change, some as to yet announced pandemic, the complete and utter breakdown of civilization or all-out war? If I was a betting man, I'd go with the trifecta.

So, what are our options? 
 
You can build a bomb shelter in the basement…or…
 
I really enjoy those International House Hunting Shows. You know the ones. They generally feature a nice American couple, or family, looking for a new house somewhere very far away from here. Recent locations that I have video visited include The Mediterranean, The Caribbean, England, Paris, and that sunny place where they filmed a lot of Game of Thrones.  

So, as a primer for getting the hell out of Dodge, I offer this ongoing service to anyone interested.
 
First, it goes without saying that you are going to need a passport. 
 
Unfortunately, I can only give you the legal way. For any other type of “instructions” you’re going to have to consult the Internets. Word of warning. Whatever you do, find a good one. I suggest Blythe (The Forger) from The Great Escape. I hear he does good work. Ask anyone at Stalag Luft III. He also knows a a hell of a lot about birds, particularly the Masked Shrike.
 
For the rest of you, you will have to make do with getting your papers at your local post office. It is a lot slower than Herr Blythe but you can always come early for photo day and enjoy the ambiance. 
 
And now the fun part:

Skip the library. You’re better off with a subscription to Hulu or, better yet, HGTV. And now, sit back, relax, and witness wealthy Americans ask for that quaint European cottage feel but with plenty of closet space. There are plenty of these shows to choose from. The only geographic region not covered is Arctic tundra. But, they are melting anyway, so you might just call it a wash.

Cliff Robertson on all the reasons why it might be a good time to leave (Malone 1987). 
 


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     ​In 1981, J.P. Linde co-wrote and appeared in a one-man comedy show titled “Casually Insane.”  Shortly after, he joined the ranks of stand-up comedy and performed in clubs and colleges throughout the United States and Canada.  In 1989, he made his national television debut on “Showtime’s Comedy Club Network.”  He wrote the libretto for the musical comedy “Wild Space A Go Go” and co-wrote and co-produced the feature motion picture, “Axe to Grind.”  “Son of Ravage” is his second novel.

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