I'll Pass

​Look, I will be honest, I don’t get offered that much work to turn down. It’s not like producers and directors are beating down the doors of our Windsor abode to capitalize on my writing talent. On the one hand, while it may not be the most satisfying of careers, it certainly makes it much easier when it comes to filing my taxes. Recently, I received an offer to write another ultra, low budget horror film and, gasp, here are the following reasons for me saying no. 
 
I should qualify all this by saying that I have not formally said no but have made a list of demands that will most likely will not be met.  So, just what exactly does it take for J.P. Linde to turn down a job or at least make a list of demands that will never, ever be met?
 
I am glad you asked.
 

1. A script that can’t possibly be saved. Now, I am of a firm belief that almost anyone can find redemption. For the written word, I am not so sure. Sometimes you stumble across something written so poorly, that there is no way you can make it even remotely watchable. Some would say that Axe to Grind is one such script and who am I to argue? Hell, I might even agree. In my defense, I would only say, I had one week, and you should have seen what I had to work with. But sometimes, you come across something that can’t be saved, and you simply have to zip up the body bag and get on with your life.
2. Low, low money. Hey, if I am going to work in the sewers, I want to be paid. Very simple really. I have taken some very lousy jobs, some for even lousier money. But, with each on time completion, I value myself and my work a little bit more and my price goes up. Dave Anderson, comedian, broadcast journalist and radio talk show host, was right. Never fall below what you were paid for your last job. 
3. Full credit for what you’ve done. There are some hyphenates (Producer-Writers) who are resistant to sharing credit. Add to this that the more lacking in talent they are, the worst they are willing to share credit. If they were so damn good, the director would not be coming to you last minute to save the damn thing. Two words. Fuck them!
4. I doubt very much that anyone here would accept a job writing speeches for Donald Trump. It is very much the same when accepting rewrite jobs. If you can’t in good conscience work on it, by all means say so. It just isn’t worth the amount of time wrestling with your conscience on why you took the job in the first place. 
5. Realistic expectations aka silk purse out of sow’s ear. If you are expecting a Golden Globe nomination for The Lighthouse Keeper 2, good on you. Who am I to stomp your dreams all to hell? But when you do come out of the coma, realize that one job leads to another and with each time you open Final Draft, you are getting that much bit better.

 
Okay, that is all I have to say on this subject. I would add a customary you tube video here but to be honest, I am not sure what would pair nicely.
 
Let’s try this.