J.P. Linde vs The Olsen Twins

And, no, we are not talking about the precedent setting court case of the same name.

I'm referring to those delightful twin imps, stars of the hit sitcom, Full House, and their memorable direct to video series Mary Kate and Ashley at the Beach, Mary Kate and Ashley in the Country, Mary Kate and Ashley in Outer Space and of course, my favorite, Mary Kate and Ashley’s Parents, Agents and Publicists Cash In By Producing a Series of Direct to Video Doorstops. To say these little productions were a hit would be an understatement. They sold over a million units, ranking right up there with such children classics as Disney Sing-a-longs, Thomas the Tank Engine and, Where in the World Did Carmen Sandiego Put My Car Keys. Most of the early videos were produced by my friends at a company called Green/Epstein Productions, so welcome to this week’s blog.
 
I had been in Los Angeles precisely one day when I decided to drop in on the offices of G/E. They had purchased a house in the North Hollywood hills, a small walking distance to the restaurants and shops of Ventura Blvd and made the comfortable abode their office. The principles owned property in Santa Barbara but lived in the house during the week in order to conduct that business we call show. I found the entire office in a complete dizzy. Their principle cash cow, more precisely human twins, were growing up and tired of the pubescent drivel they had been churning out. It was time now to make the move to a motion pictures. In the words of Nora Desmond (from Thomas the Steam Engine attends Catechism): “I was big! It was the pictures that got small.” 
 
Their first demand was a title without the words “at the.” They were quicky becoming tweens and needed more mature material, something along the lines of Mary Kate and Ashley meet Frankenstein. To make matters worse, if G/E could not find a suitable venue for their mature new storytelling, these adorable, post pubescent guttersnipes would go somewhere else.
 
Green Epstein Productions were pioneers in network television. Do you happened to remember the ABC Monday Night Made for TV Movie? Most likely not, but for those of us that do, collectively they were really something. That little piece of programming gave us such jewels as Spielberg’s Duel and The Night Stalker by producer Dan Curtis. There were countless others, but both partners were in on the bottom floor and they were very much respected in the business. Later work included Stephen King’s It and a live production of On Golden Pond with Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer. One of my first big options with the company was on a little script I had wrote called My Pet Dinosaur. Their story sessions were always helpful, and I genuinely liked the people, the office and their work. 
 
When I say I had been in Los Angeles, Hermosa Beach precisely, one day, I meant a literal and not figurative one. I had not even unpacked my clothes, computer or set up my office in my little house. I stayed at the home office in North Hollywood long enough to get what were becoming familiar marching orders. Come up with some story ideas to pitch and fast, the twins are about to jump ship! By this time, it was midafternoon, and I made the four-hour drive (only a slight exaggeration) back to Hermosa Beach. Once I arrived, I unpacked my HP desktop, set up a makeshift office in the corner of the living room/dining room. I was no Shane Black, but I would give my all to my friends in North Hollywood. I would create an exciting new story for the prepubescent Mary Kate and Ashley, a story too good to refuse.  
 

to be continued