Marvel's Eternals: WTF?

For every yin, there is a yang. No heaven without hell, no good without evil, and no Marvel’s Hawkeyewithout Marvel’s Eternals. Not that I am equating Marvel’s Hawkeye to heaven. It’s good, but come on. However, Marvel’s Eternals is bad, really bad, and if not quite literally hell, it certainly meets other all-important criteria. In a nutshell, Marvel’s The Eternals is a monumental waste of time, money, resources, and is yet another reason for Martin Scorsese to loathe and despise the proliferation of comic book movies.
 
I do have a bit of prejudice here. I think we are making far too many of these types of films and ignoring some incredible original stories and ideas that are out there. And, just for perspective, I am a huge comic book guy. Born and raised in both the Marvel and DC universes in the sixties. But Marvel’s Eternals is just too much. It is what is wrong with filmmaking and to some extent, what is wrong with us as a culture.
 
Real drama is in nuance (something that Marvel’s Eternals has absolutely zero of). If I were Norman Spurlock, I would do a documentary on what a person’s mental outlook look likes if they only used Facebook as their source of news and watched Marvel’s Eternals, The Meg, The Great Wall, and lest we ever forget, Hobbs and Shaw. We are a fat, undisciplined nation and it seems that fast food and social media are not entirely to blame. 
 
And just to be clear. I wouldn’t mind if an occasional piece of digital blubber shows itself. Hell, where would we be as a society if there were no Disney’s Black Hole or Paramounts Star Trek: The Motion Picture. But there’s going to be a price to pay if you keep increasing the amount of crap the studios are feeding us year after year.
 
J.P. Linde RX for this bumper crop of creative bullshit: Crack open a book for starters. Preferably something without a lot of pictures. Intersperse your creative diet with an independent film. For a primer, I recommend Lynn Shelton’s excellent Sword of Trust.  Watch a foreign move with subtitles (it’s almost as good as reading a book.)
 
And most importantly, stay away from Marvel’s Eternals. I was forced to resort to the drastic measure of cracking open James Joyce Ulysses just to cleanse my pallet.
 
This helped as well: