J.P. Linde
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J.P. Linde

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J.P. on "STOP ME IF I'VE HEARD THIS" 04/13/20
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1995: AROUND TOWN - KOIN TV (Portland Oregon)
In my brief 3 months as Entertainment Reporter, I won 16 Emmys and three Pulitzer Prizes.
You can now gift the entire J.P. Linde collection of novels and films. “SON OF RAVAGE,” “THE HOLOGRAPHIC DETECTIVE AGENCY” and, of course, the campy horror film classic “AXE TO GRIND.” All three make excellent gifts. And while you’re at it, add a couple of J.P. Linde COMEDY CLUB NETWORK appearances to your digital library. You can find all of my appearances on Amazon Prime at a very affordable price. Give the gift that will keep on giving. Get your J.P. Linde Media Bundle today!

“The most frequent side effects associated with the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are tachycardia, blurred vision, abdominal pain, and diarrhea. Decreases in appetite and rash/pruitus are also common. Those patients purchasing the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are at risk for developing extrapyramidal symptoms, including dystonia, parkinsonism, and restlessness, in addition to neuroleptic malignant syndrome and tardive dyskinesia. In some cases, The J.P. Linde Media Bundle can cause hyperprolactinemia, orthostatic hypotension, leucopenia, seizures, and the potential for suicide. As with most atypical antipsychotics, metabolic changes such as weight gain and hyperglycemia are also possible”

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Roger Simmons: A True American

8/15/2020

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​“The Woman are gone. WE are going next!” Roger Simmons (Richard Chamberlin) The Towering Inferno
 
When I think of cowardice of the highest order, I look no further than the character of Roger Simmons in the Irwin Allen classic disaster, The Towering Inferno. Handsome, educated and basically full of shit, Simmons is the incarnation of where 38 percent of American public is today. If you don’t remember, Roger is the man ultimately responsible for the destruction of the tallest skyscraper in the entire world; a state-of-the-art facility over 138 floors (counting the world class Promenade Room) and comprising both commercial and residential tenants. Seems ol’ Roger cut a few corners and well, you know what happens next.  
 
In the throes of this pandemic, I reflect often on the personality of Roger Simmons. Whenever I hear a Karen’s blathering on about personal freedom, or the blustery bigotry of some musclebound asshole standing in the middle of a Costco, I naturally recall Simmons handsome smirk. His false sense of self-assuredness and his ability to be 100 percent wrong, 100 percent of the time. The world’s literally burning all around him, but the handsome, cold contractor can never admit it. It’s simply not in his suave DNA. To do that, would mean he’d have to take personal responsibility and to someone like Roger Simmons, that would be admitting weakness.
 
To witness Simmons act in a time of crisis is truly something to behold. Survival of the fittest is his sacred mantra. Much like the chanting free maskers of today, he believes the weak only need to be sacrificed in order to survive. Let the weaklings fend for themselves (even if I have just recruited them), for there’s only room for one person on life’s Breeches Buoy.
 
Let’s face it, life right now is a fucking Irwin Allen disaster film. We’ve got the rich and greedy, cutting corners while the resulting catastrophe ends with the harrowing death of too many good and decent people (the charming Jennifer Jones comes immediately to mind). There will be acts of heroism to be sure, but also far too many instances of cowardice. Most will be the direct result from bullies, and while not possessing the suave or charm of Roger Simmons, still swagger along life’s disaster insisting that they are above reproach and that the rules simply do not apply.  Be forewarned, push will come to shove at some point and the first individuals plummeting off the single-seated rescue device will be those that need it the most. 
 
Have a great day!
 
America in action.
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     ​In 1981, J.P. Linde co-wrote and appeared in a one-man comedy show titled “Casually Insane.”  Shortly after, he joined the ranks of stand-up comedy and performed in clubs and colleges throughout the United States and Canada.  In 1989, he made his national television debut on “Showtime’s Comedy Club Network.”  He wrote the libretto for the musical comedy “Wild Space A Go Go” and co-wrote and co-produced the feature motion picture, “Axe to Grind.”  “Son of Ravage” is his second novel.

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