J.P. Linde
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J.P. Linde

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J.P. on "STOP ME IF I'VE HEARD THIS" 04/13/20
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1995: AROUND TOWN - KOIN TV (Portland Oregon)
In my brief 3 months as Entertainment Reporter, I won 16 Emmys and three Pulitzer Prizes.
You can now gift the entire J.P. Linde collection of novels and films. “SON OF RAVAGE,” “THE HOLOGRAPHIC DETECTIVE AGENCY” and, of course, the campy horror film classic “AXE TO GRIND.” All three make excellent gifts. And while you’re at it, add a couple of J.P. Linde COMEDY CLUB NETWORK appearances to your digital library. You can find all of my appearances on Amazon Prime at a very affordable price. Give the gift that will keep on giving. Get your J.P. Linde Media Bundle today!

“The most frequent side effects associated with the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are tachycardia, blurred vision, abdominal pain, and diarrhea. Decreases in appetite and rash/pruitus are also common. Those patients purchasing the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are at risk for developing extrapyramidal symptoms, including dystonia, parkinsonism, and restlessness, in addition to neuroleptic malignant syndrome and tardive dyskinesia. In some cases, The J.P. Linde Media Bundle can cause hyperprolactinemia, orthostatic hypotension, leucopenia, seizures, and the potential for suicide. As with most atypical antipsychotics, metabolic changes such as weight gain and hyperglycemia are also possible”

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Spring Break Silver Linings by Angela McKennie

4/4/2020

1 Comment

 
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(It’s hard to believe, but I have known Angela McKennie for 10 years. She was the first name that came up when we were looking for a director for Wild Space A Go Go. For whatever reason, she turned us down and I will always regret not having the opportunity to work with her. She’s intelligent, funny and possesses a knowledge of pop culture that is second to none. And when you are smack dab in the middle of a potentially lethal pandemic, I can think of no one better suited to entertain us.)

​It is a blessing in disguise that the current global pandemic has required us to cancel our spring break travel plans. Sure, we had a full agenda of nonstop family fun on the horizon: seeing “Hamilton” in San Francisco, touring the Winchester Mystery House, and visiting Alcatraz for the first time in our lives. What could be more thrilling? But sometimes life unfolds in mysterious ways. When we booked the trip in December, we had no way of knowing that - only a short three months later - world events would lead us to spend our vacation in a prison of a totally different kind.

Nevertheless, we are exceedingly grateful for this opportunity. Being housebound, we now have a rare chance to spend quality time with our children, and our kitchen contractor Phil. We will use this precious time to make lots of memories. After all, it seems like only yesterday that Phil was doing the cabinet demolition. Before we knew it, he had graduated to building the stove surround. We are afraid to blink, as we know it is inevitable that he will soon finish installing the molding and then it will be time for him to leave the nest and go off into the world to experience his own adventures. While he might not even realize it yet, I think Phil is grateful for this time, too.
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​Every day he is with us, we find new ways to treasure this time.  For example, on Monday we tried to get our two teenage daughters to come out of their rooms to spend time with us.  Perhaps to play a game, look at family photos, or just talk to us about their lives.  For the pushback we got, you would think we had asked them to donate a kidney.  Phil, on the other hand, eagerly regaled us with tales of his visits to Lowe’s and the difference between copper and plastic tubing.  What a riot!
 
Not only does he enthusiastically share his knowledge with us, but he continually delights us with surprises!  On Wednesday, after returning home from a rare outing to find a roll of toilet paper, I went into the guest room to find an array of large holes dotting the ceiling and all of my belongings piled onto the bed.  It was pure whimsey.  Who knew that the best way to get to the electrical system in the kitchen would be to tear apart my one and only sanctuary? Phil, that’s who!
 
Lessons we have learned from Phil include “How to Properly use Masking Tape,” “Why the Electrician Doesn’t Know What He’s Talking About,” and “Hey, Did You Know There’s a Rat in Your Garage?”  Ha!  How perfect.  What worldwide plague would be complete without some adorable vermin?  Not only did Phil not hold back on drawing our attention to this good fortune, but he explained to us in colorful detail how to make the BEST rat trap using only a 5-gallon bucket and a soda can.  This is the kind of education we just can’t get from books; it can only come from Phil.  Or possibly YouTube.
 
While the future is uncertain, one thing is sure:  we feel extremely lucky that this project has gone a full seven days over schedule and required nonstop work every single day including weekends.  It’s not done yet, either!  Like the COVID-19 outbreak, it feels like it might go on forever!  After all, he hasn’t even gotten to the backsplash or the flooring. It is likely that he will spend many more lunch hours curled up downstairs on our loveseat taking his daily nap.  He looks like an angel when he is sleeping; I wish you could see it.
 
When that fateful day comes and he does bid us farewell, his bill for time-and-materials-over-budget will be the only thing we have left to serve as a sweet memento of our time together.  That, and our kitchen.  For now, we will continue to cherish these days, and gather our rosebuds while we may; life is short, and moments with Phil are fleeting.
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1 Comment
RK
4/4/2020 10:30:45 am

"Intelligent and funny with a knowledge of pop culture that is second to none" is a great way to describe Ms. McKennie. Now let's all pause imagine how cute Phil was curled up on a loveseat snoring softly. I feel confident that there was no "plumber's butt" visible, or we'd have heard about it in hilarious description!

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     ​In 1981, J.P. Linde co-wrote and appeared in a one-man comedy show titled “Casually Insane.”  Shortly after, he joined the ranks of stand-up comedy and performed in clubs and colleges throughout the United States and Canada.  In 1989, he made his national television debut on “Showtime’s Comedy Club Network.”  He wrote the libretto for the musical comedy “Wild Space A Go Go” and co-wrote and co-produced the feature motion picture, “Axe to Grind.”  “Son of Ravage” is his second novel.

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