J.P. Linde
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J.P. Linde

Writer
J.P. on "STOP ME IF I'VE HEARD THIS" 04/13/20
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1995: AROUND TOWN - KOIN TV (Portland Oregon)
In my brief 3 months as Entertainment Reporter, I won 16 Emmys and three Pulitzer Prizes.
You can now gift the entire J.P. Linde collection of novels and films. “SON OF RAVAGE,” “THE HOLOGRAPHIC DETECTIVE AGENCY” and, of course, the campy horror film classic “AXE TO GRIND.” All three make excellent gifts. And while you’re at it, add a couple of J.P. Linde COMEDY CLUB NETWORK appearances to your digital library. You can find all of my appearances on Amazon Prime at a very affordable price. Give the gift that will keep on giving. Get your J.P. Linde Media Bundle today!

“The most frequent side effects associated with the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are tachycardia, blurred vision, abdominal pain, and diarrhea. Decreases in appetite and rash/pruitus are also common. Those patients purchasing the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are at risk for developing extrapyramidal symptoms, including dystonia, parkinsonism, and restlessness, in addition to neuroleptic malignant syndrome and tardive dyskinesia. In some cases, The J.P. Linde Media Bundle can cause hyperprolactinemia, orthostatic hypotension, leucopenia, seizures, and the potential for suicide. As with most atypical antipsychotics, metabolic changes such as weight gain and hyperglycemia are also possible”

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The Languish Zone

1/29/2022

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There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to a writer. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his career. This is the dimension of waiting. It is an area which we call the Languish Zone.
 
Waiting is hell. Nothing is worse than attempting to remain calm while one of your screenplays circulates in a show business dimension I like to call, The Languishing Zone.
 
The days of bidding on a story have long since passed. To be brutally honest, I never made it to the bidding stage. In what poses as my career, powers that be either like my work or not and act accordingly. 
 
So, if you ever find yourself “lucky” enough to be in the zone that I call Languishing, do what I do. 
 
Masturbate? Good guess, but no. It goes without saying that you should be working on other projects. 
 
(The following is a paraphrase from Tick-Tick Boom)
 
Writer: (boo-hoo) But what do I do now?
Female Middle-aged Agent: (smoking a cigarette and inhaling it into her toes) Write another one.
 
And scene!
 
It’s true, you should be writing another one. It might also help to be talking walks, getting exercise, living life (hard due to another Co-Vid variant), or taking up a new hobby. Since I can’t do crossword puzzles, I took the next logical choice: Learning to Play the Guitar!
 
Yes, you read right. Every afternoon, I practice, 30 to 60 minutes a day. I have been doing this for several months now and I can honestly say that I have no talent. Does that mean I am going to stop? No.  In fact, I am looking at Electrics. Nothing fancy, just something that will be a bit more annoying my family.
 
This does not quite cure the overall depression of languishing. However, it does help. That, along with a good scotch whiskey, daily walks, and nightly installment of Gilmore Girls. Hey, my solution will not be yours. But you still need to do something. Otherwise, you will just go crazy. And who wants to add that to the growing list of what’s going wrong at the end of civilization as we know it.
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     ​In 1981, J.P. Linde co-wrote and appeared in a one-man comedy show titled “Casually Insane.”  Shortly after, he joined the ranks of stand-up comedy and performed in clubs and colleges throughout the United States and Canada.  In 1989, he made his national television debut on “Showtime’s Comedy Club Network.”  He wrote the libretto for the musical comedy “Wild Space A Go Go” and co-wrote and co-produced the feature motion picture, “Axe to Grind.”  “Son of Ravage” is his second novel.

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