Working from Home: The Ultimate Guide

​You just got the good news and find out you will be spending the next couple of months, doing what you do for eight excruciating hours/5 days a week in an office. Now you get the opportunity to transfer all of that fun and excitement to the privacy of your own home. Replacing your boss, will be your wife and replacing your constantly annoying co-workers, will be your needy children and pets. Well, don’t panic. I have some surefire ways to keep you sane in these problematic and challenging times. Let’s just say you’re welcome.
 
We haven’t got much time and I really need to get your started before you ditch me and replace your time with cross-referencing humorous memes on Facebook.

​#1 - Work from the privacy of your bathroom. It has everything you need (usually has a tub, shower and toilet) and, most importantly, it has a lock on the door. Granted, this may not be practical if you only have one bathroom in the house, but you can always have the wife and kids use the backyard. If it is good enough for the pets, it’s certainly good enough for the kiddos. BTW, the sink counter makes an excellent standing desk which is very important for good posture and a healthy lifestyle. Again, no thanks necessary.

​#2 - Dress successful, but only from the waste up. Thanks to web conferencing, no one needs to be up in your business. Screw them. What they don’t see below the belt, won’t hurt them. I recommend only a nice long turtleneck. It’s always stylish and in the privacy of your office toilet, very convenient. 

#3 - Speaking of video conferencing, you’re going to need plenty of bandwidth, Unfortunately, so will your neighbors. Streaming 15 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy may just rob you of precious resources you’ll need to be heard and seen in vital work conversations.  Do yourself a favor and learn your neighbor’s WIFI passwords. This can be achieved by one of those required good neighbor “check-in” phone calls you’ve been hearing a lot about. Take plenty of notes, you’ll need them to hack into their accounts. 

​#4 - Stay Curious and Distractible. It’s gotten you this far in life, why not use this unique talent to your advantage. Make a list of what needs to get done during the day and then take an hour or two off to go find something to eat. If you’re like me, most of your food is now laying around in the garage waiting to be disinfected. If you do it right, this little chore can take at least full two hours. Nothing helps settle the mind better than eating bread out of the bag while playing with your Beebe gun.
 
#6 - Remember, the end of your workday and respect it. My workday happens to end 15 minutes after I get started. Taking the required time off for lunch and breaks happens to put me in a one-and-a-half-hour deficit each day. This can be extra stressful if you are not sure how to deal with it. And this will be a problem later on when you happen to be filling out your timecard. I keep mine next to the roll of toilet paper in my office, so I always know where to find it.
 

​#7 - And finally, get yourself a hobby. Mine is three underground tunnels affectionately named Tom, Dick and Harry. They all go 10 feel down directly beneath the bathtub, veering off in separate directions. Tom leads to the nearest Popeye’s Chicken. Dick proceeds due North towards the Oregon border and Harry leads to the nearest Emergency Room at the new Sutter Hospital. I figure if I never use them, I can always lease then to El Chapo.
 
Well, that’s about it for this week.  Just remember. It’s not hoarding if nobody recognizes you at Costco. 
 

Okay, a very special announcement: We have a special guest next week!  Angela McKennie has been making people laugh for years. She’s a Director/Producer, a writer and playwright. Her observations are always hilarious, and I know that you will enjoy her guest blog as much I will.  Tell everyone to log on and make her feel welcome. 
 
​Until Next week!