Your Chance to Become a Doormat

J.P. Linde

Writer

1995: AROUND TOWN - KOIN TV (Portland Oregon)
In my brief 3 months as Entertainment Reporter, I won 16 Emmys and three Pulitzer Prizes.

You can now gift the entire J.P. Linde collection of novels and films. “SON OF RAVAGE,” “THE HOLOGRAPHIC DETECTIVE AGENCY” and, of course, the campy horror film classic “AXE TO GRIND.” All three make excellent gifts. And while you’re at it, add a couple of J.P. Linde COMEDY CLUB NETWORK appearances to your digital library. You can find all of my appearances on Amazon Prime at a very affordable price. Give the gift that will keep on giving. Get your J.P. Linde Media Bundle today!

“The most frequent side effects associated with the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are tachycardia, blurred vision, abdominal pain, and diarrhea. Decreases in appetite and rash/pruitus are also common. Those patients purchasing the J.P. Linde Media Bundle are at risk for developing extrapyramidal symptoms, including dystonia, parkinsonism, and restlessness, in addition to neuroleptic malignant syndrome and tardive dyskinesia. In some cases, The J.P. Linde Media Bundle can cause hyperprolactinemia, orthostatic hypotension, leucopenia, seizures, and the potential for suicide. As with most atypical antipsychotics, metabolic changes such as weight gain and hyperglycemia are also possible”

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Your Chance to Become a Doormat

2/17/2023

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Every great personality has a quote they are famous for.

W.C. Fields has a lot:

“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”

“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”

Groucho was extremely good at it.

“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.”

Dorothy Parker, seated at, or under, the Algonquin Round Table, managed to fire off more than her share of classics. Here are two of her greatest hits.

“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”

“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”

My point is this. I have been using the entirety of my free time, thinking of award-winning quotes. This takes my mind off of more important matters and frees it wander the length and breadth of my limited imagination and vocabulary.

Fans of the movie Axe to Grind, were treated to one of my own classics.

“There ain’t no crazy like California crazy.”

See. It’s not so hard. Here’s one I came up with today.

“If it ain’t all-consuming, it ain’t show business.”

As you can see, I prefer to use the word ain’t whenever possible. It goes with the whole limited vocabulary thing. Okay, you give it a try.

All entries must be postmarked by March 18. Send $10.00 entry fee ( I learned this from screenwriting competitions) along with your quote to:
                              Krazy Quotes
                              PO Box 1000019
                              Washinton, DC

Winners will be judged by originality, the use of the word ain’t and, most importantly, their $10.00. Winning quotes will be displayed on a door mat.

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Author

In 1981, J.P. Linde co-wrote and appeared in a one-man comedy show titled “Casually Insane.” Shortly after, he joined the ranks of stand-up comedy and performed in clubs and colleges throughout the United States and Canada. In 1989, he made his national television debut on “Showtime’s Comedy Club Network.” He wrote the libretto for the musical comedy “Wild Space A Go Go” and co-wrote and co-produced the feature motion picture, “Axe to Grind.” “Son of Ravage” is his second novel.

J.P. Linde

Your Chance to Become a Doormat

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